What's on Your Mind?

From our very first “Why?” we indulge our curiosity by asking questions.  Some answers we want to know – When will I be old enough?  Some we need to know – Is there a monster under the bed?  We learn how to coyly or cutely answer How old are you? and that answers can change to What do you want to be when you grow up? We learn there are consequences to our answers when asked Who is responsible? or How did this happen?

Our rebellious years can have us returning to ‘why’ by adding a ‘should I?’ and we include a Who says?  We learn to politely ask May I join you? and not to ask How much do you make? We search for How many calories? and plot our own answers to What comes next?

As we age we learn there are often follow up questions.  Can I afford it? comes after How much does it cost? or perhaps we add a ‘Is it negotiable?’  We also learn that there are questions no one expects us to really answer, like How are you?, that there are questions where the answers are unknown, such as  Why did this happen?, and that we are desperate to know the answers to Will you marry me? and How long do I have?

If you spent five minutes to list all of the usual questions, real and rhetorical, that you ask and answer in any month I’ll bet you could fill a page.  But here’s a challenge.  It came to mind because the primaries are over but November looms.  If you could stand before Congress and ask one question, what would it be? Before asking this of you, I gave it some consideration.  I started with a sarcastic What are you thinking?, went to a shaming Does your mother know what you’re up to? and then to an angry What will it take to get you all to work together? It took a long time actually, but I came up with my question.  I’ll post it after my signature in case you want to do this exercise on your own first.

I know, I know.  Do we really want to know the answers?  Would they tell the truth? What would we do with the answers? (Yes, I thought about telling them it’s a secret and then publishing them, but realized I really simply want to know the answer).  I am sad that this little icebreaker is something that can never happen. It would tell me more than any debate and inform me as to the character of those who govern.

Marilyn

I would ask each of our elected officials, What is one thing you are willing to give up in order to make the difference that you once thought you could make? 

Looking to the Future

“View the present through the future,” was the concept of an article I recently read.  We are usually told to learn from the past, looking at mistakes, whether our own or others.  That makes sense.  Looking through the future, hmmm, I originally thought, not so much. 

But, then I remembered Roger Bannister’s tenet – “I pictured myself running a 4 minute mile.”  And there’s the business theory of ‘act as though you have the job you want,’ and the ‘dress for the part’ maxim which applies not just to actors.  Christians see Good Friday with Easter eyes.

You probably know other principles that can help us not just get through difficult times but come out the other side a better or healthier person.  Those who have faced a debilitating or life-threatening situation often learn this.  Those who problem-solve the hard things facing them and then implement some solutions know this.

Is there something that might prevent you from trying a future lens concept? There are habits of old that are barriers for me, which is ironic since I’m usually 5 minutes ahead of myself.  A big challenge for me even in normal times is to be enough in the now.  I’m one of those, ‘let’s move along’ people.  When hard times come, it is doubly hard for me to remain in the moment enabling me to experience the pain, the sorrow, the whatever, deeply enough and effectively enough to be as done with it as I can be.

My normal tendency was reinforced by a precept I adopted from my church upbringing.  That proverb was ‘pray about it and it will go away.’ When whatever ‘it’ was didn’t go away, the fault was always mine.  I wasn’t praying hard enough or in the right way.  This passive way of dealing and feeling did not help me face things, work through things, take responsibility, or facilitate change. Not to say that prayer isn’t important or needed, for I believe it is, for people of any faith.  It just doesn’t work to offer something up and think you can then ignore it. The Creator gave us resources.  Common sense. Emotions. One another. Time. 

The next challenging situation that comes along for me, I’m going to try looking back, staying in the present, and seeing what type of future lens might help.  Perhaps such a plan could work for you as well.

Marilyn

Spring Break

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. Doug Larson, journalist

When I was growing up, spring break was really Easter vacation.  I think it started with Good Friday and went through the whole next week.  In college, spring break for me meant bus trips, touring with the choir around the country, but not to popular party beaches.  When I later settled in a community and discovered the rhythm of village life, I was surprised to discover that school systems were different than what I’d known.  Spring break had nothing to do with spring or Easter and today it often means a family getaway or more stress on parents who have to arrange for extended childcare.

After this record setting winter, we all are ready for spring to break. There have been a few hours when car windows have been open, jackets have been shed, and a couple of days have been boot-free.  I’ve heard and seen lots of robins. Those teasers have let us know that our gloom will end soon.  What will you will do on that first truly spring morning?  I always love getting fresh air into the house and look forward to that first long walk around the neighborhood to see what’s changed and what is still the same.

Out of curiosity I looked up the calendar for my alma maters and neighborhood schools.  Back in New York, students now have a mid-winter week’s recess in February, but their spring recess still is the week after Easter.  Locally, students have some week off this month.

I think people have been more casually chatty this winter.  Our common misery and despair has given us permission to talk to strangers more.  So, I would like to think that in the near future when spring does arrive we might continue to engage with those to whom we’ve recently done more than nod.   

Unfortunately, the reality is we’ll resume our isolated lives until the next extreme and then we’ll briefly open up once again with a nod and a ‘can you believe that lightening?’ but old habits will emerge and win.  It’s too bad that our shared experiences do not truly create community beyond the moment.  I wish we could use this spring to break that pattern.

Marilyn

So Many Books, So Little Time

If you took a walk down the memory lane of books that have been important to you, what would be your road bookmarkers?  Here are a few of mine from the first quarter century of my life:

Age 0-10:  The Five Little Peppers and How They Grew made me realize there was a world beyond The Golden Books, Nancy Drew and my brother’s Hardy Boys whetted my appetite for mysteries, and Anne of Green Gables gave me a love for stories about people in small towns.

Age 11-17:  The Diary of a Young Girl made me cry, Exodus hurt my soul, and Up the Down Staircase told me there was a current world I didn’t understand.

Age 18-20: A course in Children’s Literature introduced me to Harriet the Spy, The Little Prince, and Narnia.  One planted a seed about writing and the others expanded my understanding of faith and relationships.

Age 21-25: 84 Charing Cross Road made me want to go to England and The French Lieutenant’s Woman taught me that some books that don’t grab your interest the first time are worth giving a second and third try.  I never understood the draw of Jonathan Livingston Seagull, but Watership Down and Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee touched me deeply.

On my recent trip to Disneyland I discovered that Tom Sawyer’s Island is now Pirate’s Lair and The Swiss Family Robinson adventure has been replaced by Tarzan so I’ve been thinking about old classics.  But, this really came to mind as I spent the weekend mostly on the sofa with my nose in a book when it wasn’t in a Kleenex.    

Would love to see a similar list from you or ask that you simply share what’s engaging your imagination currently, for as Abraham Lincoln said, “My best friend is the man who gets me a book I ain’t read.” 

Marilyn

Making Every Day Different

We are all meant to be creators of life – our own – to the very edge of its boundaries.  But that means being willing to risk a tomorrow that is different from today.  Joan Chittister

 

“How was your vacation?” was what everyone asked last week when I got back to the office. 

“Terrific!  But I was ready to get back to my routine,” I said at one point, only to have someone counter, “I don’t think I’ve ever ended a vacation with wanting routine.”

For seven days my routine had been something different every day – ocean, mountains, desert, gardens, windmills, Disneyland, history.  Each day was full but relaxing and exciting.  My friends and I talked about how when we were younger we would have crammed in even more.  That, plus the Chittister quote got me thinking.

When we were toddlers, every day was an adventure, stretching boundaries we didn’t know existed.  School might have had its routines, but still there were differences throughout the week and by high school and college, courses changed each semester.  Careers and family life provided some settling down but we were still growing and learning.  Then, in my experience, came a fallow time, where I did not really tend my own garden of growth and somehow years passed.  I was content, and also pretty sure of, and perhaps others might have said, full of myself.  Life was good, and going along as it should.

But part of life is the opportunity to continue to grow and even change, and there are always curves in the road ahead.  My first ‘sit back and take stock’ moment was when my father died.  I made some decisions to switch my course.  Soon thereafter I heard the phrase ‘lifelong learner’ and wanted to be one of those. 

Our ways of making every day different will vary.  You may audition for a play or plan to move to a new country.  The challenge for me is to find a balance of comfort in the day-to-day – the rising, preparing, departing, working, exercising, cooking, cleaning, resting – with the enjoyment and even pain of seeking out differences.  The enjoyment currently comes from trying new kinds of art and expression.  This blog.  Taking a course on Chinese brush painting later this month.  The pain comes from headlines.  I’m still trying to figure out how I can make a difference there and would appreciate your learnings on this.

Meanwhile, remember the words of Bishop T.D. Jakes, “The world is a university and everyone in it is a teacher.  When you wake up in the morning, make sure you go to school.”

Marilyn