Address books

My mother's address book is packed away in a box of family stuff up in the attic. After she died, we needed the book to let all the people in her circle know, and for the next few years I referred to it to send notes to some of her friends. They are all gone now, yet I still keep the 4x6 inch book with a bouquet of flowers on the cover. Other than some recipe cards, it's the only thing I have that's written in her hand. 

I can picture her at the dining room table with one of that book's predecessors and a stack of Christmas cards. Sending those cards took a long time. Notes were written on the inside, the envelopes addressed and then secured with Christmas seals supporting some charitable cause. She used some type of coding system in the address book to track who we got a card from and who we sent cards to. Every decade or so the book got replaced because there were lots of changes to those already in the book and people to add. 

A new address book used to make a lovely present and I remember giving and receiving some special ones. Over the years the books got larger, more elaborate and included spaces for birthdays or other things folks might want to track. Nowadays most people use technology, including programs that remind you a special day is coming up for someone.

During the 1980s and 90s I used one of the popular calendar products that fit into a 5x7 3-ring leather binder that zipped. You had your choice of how you wanted the calendar pages – day, week, month – and then at the back of the packet were there A-Z tabs. Each year I would replace the calendar pages and discard the new address section rather than transfer all that contact information. I still have those pages of names and phone numbers, though the binder and calendars got tossed long ago. Like my mother's address book, they are full not just of names, streets and cities, but of memories and stories. They remind me of when one niece moved to Toledo, a nephew to Indianapolis or of a friend now forgotten. 

This subject came to mind because I am moving. Again. This will be my 12th move since college. Somehow that feels lucky; however, my sister-in-law and a dear friend have told me I can't move. They have no more room on the page for a new address for me! During the process of packing I may just take a minute to open that family box and dig out my mother's address book and flip through the pages. I'll remember the women in her church group and those who were part of 'the girlfriends coming over for pinochle.' There will be cousins I've lost track of and a few of my dad's co-workers who occasionally visited him in the nursing home. I'll smile. Maybe I'll even think about tracking down someone in there.

There is no street listing for Memory Lane, but it’s an important place to make note of and visit occasionally. Perhaps this musing has triggered a similar nostalgic journey for you, Perhaps both of us will reach out to connect to someone once important and whose contact information was faithfully recorded on a page or in a file to bridge the gap of years. That’s a nice thought with which to start the week.

Marilyn

We're havin' a heat wave

When I was a kid, a very hot day was defined by the tar bubbling on the driveway. Or by shrimp salad for dinner because my mother decided to not use the oven. A 24-inch grey metal square fan was on the living room floor while we watched evening TV and later moved to my parent's bedroom. I often slept on the daybed on the back porch rather than upstairs. I had never heard of air conditioning until movie theaters and a few restaurants started advertising that they were "kool" places and think the first time I slept in a place with ac was at a motel when my parents were driving me to college for my freshman year.

Today we are at the tail end of a heat wave, although it has not been as bad as predicted. There will probably be a couple more before the ac units can come out of the windows and be stored away until next year. But these 100 degree days are predictable and temporary. Unfortunately, we are in the middle of heat waves of other kinds. Public rhetoric has become inflammatory. Hot heads have stirred up passions that are all-consuming. Celebrity can crash and burn after fifteen minutes. Certain elements of our society are on the hot seat. Firewalls in our technology are necessary while instant communications can turn a hot piece of gossip into a sensation that can destroy a reputation. 

In the heat of the moment, how are we to discern the truth? I don't know the answer to that. I'm not even sure that is the right question. I only know I want cooler heads to prevail everywhere and to find ways to keep myself grounded as things crash and burn around me. What I have done so far is so put on a tube of sunscreen under fireproof suit and sit in the dark. While it is actually comfortable there, it is not safe.

 

How are you coping in all this heat?

Marilyn

The car in the driveway

One night last week as I was turning off the lights and preparing for bed, I looked out and saw an unknown car parked in the driveway. Under the light of the street lamp, the large van with racks on the roof looked grey. It was so long the driver had it partially overlapping the sidewalk off the small apron.

My building has three apartments and a three car garage. This visitor was parked behind my spot, blocking my exit. Of course, at 10pm on a Sunday night, I wasn't going anywhere, but I got a little concerned about the morning. After texting my neighbors, I learned that one of them had also seen it and thought I had a guest; otherwise they knew nothing. I resumed getting ready for the next day.

Then I heard a car being started. Well, at least the driver was attempting to start the car but it wouldn't turn over. It sounded to me like gears were grinding. I looked out again and could tell that the sounds were coming from the mystery car in the driveway. I stood and watched and listened for 8 minutes while they continued to try to start the car. "Stupid!" I thought. "They're flooding the engine. Now they’re going to have to get someone to jump start it or call for a tow." 

They finally stopped, but no one got out of the car. I texted the landlord to report the mystery car in the driveway and went to bed, but I had a hard time falling asleep. I felt guilty. That morning's sermon had been about the Good Samaritan. Did I go out to say, "Stop trying!"? Did I offer to call someone? Did I make sure that fumes hadn't gotten into the car and made the driver sick? No, I took the safe route with the excuses that I was in my pajamas, it was late, I'm a woman and it was probably a man in the van. I'm ashamed to say that another consideration was that not only was it probably a man, but, given my neighborhood, also a person of color.

I choose to live in this neighborhood for the very reason it is diverse, but when push came to shove at 10pm on a Sunday night, I froze. Call it wise. Call it prudent. I don't necessarily call it cowardly, but more of a murky area, and I'm obviously still mulling over it. There has been no history of anything to fear here, but my reticence won over a helping hand. Perhaps now you'll mull with me. We could even have a conversation.

In the morning the car was gone.

Marilyn

An unsophisticated historical perspective

Recent headlines had me thinking about how we got here and that thinking led to the conclusions below. But, before you read those, I challenge you to give some thought to this question: If you had to name six things from your generation that changed or defined it and contributed to the issues we are facing today, what would they be? My list is very simplistic and, as I look at it, I realize that in most cases I've only taken one step back from a problem.  But I guess it's a beginning and it did get the juices flowing. Here is my list, in alphabetical order.

1.   Assassins. The things that John, Martin and Bobby stood for only got stronger. Their causes were larger than one man and did not end when someone shot them dead. Many of my generation entered public service and worked for civil rights. As we aged, we learned that each of those martyrs had flaws as well as a calling, but we accepted that balance because of our own shortcomings. We learned that revenge is different from justice and that answers are not simple and some questions may never be answered. And, if as a people we didn't get rid of guns in the 1960s, it's not surprising that we have Newton, Orlando, Dallas and Baton Rouge today.

2.   Birth control pill. A major step continuing the suffragette movement was women being able to take more control of their bodies. From this came more than the sexual revolution. It birthed the ERA and the ongoing struggle for overall equality still being fought today.

3.   Live TV broadcasts. Watching rockets take off inspired some toward science. Watching soldiers on the other side of the world in a place called Vietnam split the country, sparked movements on college campuses across the nation, helped do away with the draft, and ultimately made us often numb to what we see. We forget that it also gave as much power to those controlling the cameras and microphones as those who run the presses had enjoyed for centuries.

4.   Long hair. In the 1960s, boys were as much trendsetters as their counterparts in miniskirts. Males were rebelling against image traditions and, like all the preceding generations who had some issue around which to challenge their predecessors, this became one of ours. Why does the length of one's hair matter? This led to Hair, the musical, which changed theater and defined the Age of Aquarius.

5.   Microchip. I guess technically, given the time period, it is more the broader use of the microchip, not the invention of it, that changed things for my generation. My transistor radio led to boom boxes, mimeographs to copy machines, adding machines to calculators, well, you know how technology has changed our lives.

6.   West Side Story. This modern version of Romeo and Juliet highlighted that there are not always happy endings and that the bonds within gangs are as strong as within family. The members of the Jets and the Sharks showed that us that while it can be done, looking beyond race is hard. Today's cities and society are now dealing with the third and fourth generation of children who grew up in gangs and with gang life being all they have known and third and forth generation of Officer Krupkes.

Many topics are missing from my list. Off the top of my head is the "God is dead" movement and how my generation's approach to religion and spirituality has changed. I'll leave that for another musing. Meanwhile, I'd love to know some things that would be on your list.

Marilyn

A run through the sprinkler

Recently a friend and I stood on the sidewalk for several minutes as we watched a male cardinal take advantage of a front lawn sprinkler. He hopped in and out of the spray and among the green leaves of the ground cover. He ruffled his feathers so all the black and red looked like spiked hair. His occasional chirp did not seem to call his mate but we kept looking up and hoping she would appear. Two women walking back from the farmer's market quietly joined us and we smiled at each other when he flew to a nearby bush to shake off the droplets until he was satisfied and then went up high in a tree.

It was a real treat to watch and reminded me of carefree days running through the sprinkler myself or with a chum from across the street. Now if I'm out for an early morning or late evening walk and there is a sprinkler going, I time my stride to avoid getting drenched.

From the tooth fairy to believing the world is a safe place, we have lost most of our early beliefs and inhibitions. With each passing year of adolescence we discovered reality. Our older sibling or parent did not know everything. What we thought was cool was not. We realized we disagreed with something preached from the pulpit or the podium. With each dose of adulthood we lost our innocence, naivety and belief in happy endings.

I think, however that we retain a tiny piece of hope that each of our early convictions could really be true. The success of Harry Potter's eventual good over evil proves that since the series was as popular with adults as with children. As we approach the conventions, still believing that democracy is truly the best form of government, and await the summer Olympics, where we trust the system to weed out cheating so that champions can arise, I pray that we can keep those glimmers of hope, those beliefs from our childhood alive. I started last night by running through a sprinkler and recommend you try it. I smiled all the way home.

 

Marilyn