The Best Intentions

Have you had something you initiated with good intentions turn out bad?  Whether it was supposed to be a helpful project or a loving conversation, I think we’ve all had the heartbreak of unexpected consequences.   A sad fantasy in my father’s dementia was that he thought my mother was having an affair.  One day I decided to see if we could ease his mind and see what was behind the accusation so I asked, “What makes you think that?”  Unfortunately I heard a gasp in the adjoining room.  My mother had overheard and considered even that question another indictment.

I spent some time this weekend ruminating over a recent interaction.  Should I really have said what I said?  What good was I thinking could really come out of sharing my observations?  I thought about sending an email, but what if the other person wasn’t also dwelling on it?  What if they really took it in the manner in which I had hoped?  Why dig it up again?  But what if they, too, have been unable to let it go?  Would a second conversation do more damage or build a bridge?

Here’s hoping that you and I will recognize good intentions when they come our way.  In terms of my concerns, I ended up doing nothing.  So far.  Today I’ll see if I can sense anything different between us.  Meanwhile, I’ll keep musician Ben Harper’s lyrics in mind next time: Life is short and if you’re looking for extension, you had best do well.  ‘Cause there’s good deeds and then there’s good intentions. They are as far apart as heaven and hell.

 Marilyn