Secrets

“Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets.”  Paul Tournier, Swiss author

We were reminded this week that, even in this modern communication age of exposure, everyone has secrets. That those who share some may harbor others.  What we need to be reminded of is that everyone – even those who live part of their life in the public eye – has a right to keep them.

As a people, we are challenged to find and honor the balance between what needs to be known and what can and should remain private unless the people involved choose to share. Investigative reporters have their role, and what they uncover can provide critical information to voters, shareholders, administrators, and neighbors. The recent 40^th anniversary of Watergate highlighted how that event ushered in a new age of scrutiny for politicians. Gone were the days of insiders looking the other way, of certain ‘secrets’ being common knowledge on the Beltway but not in Peoria, to the extent that I’m amazed anyone wants to go into public service and give up any sense of privacy.

Some secrets, when shared, have helped me understand a situation or a person better. I came to respect and so appreciate the trust exhibited by the sharer and hope that my reaction was appropriate, for I’ve known the sense of relief when we do let our guard down and are still embraced in friendship and love.

Early on we learn that secrets are one of the in/out aspects of group dynamics. We want to be included, to not be the last to know. Later we learn that secrets come with a burden. Many I wish I did not know. I believe some relationships have faded because TMI (too much information) was shared and the other felt too vulnerable.

Saturday night I watched the first episode of the British show Sherlock. The writer(s) of the script made the main character’s observations and conclusions so logical and intriguing but also made me realize how many of what we think are secrets are actually quite visible if someone really looks. When I pass you on the street I cannot tell if you’ve just come from a tryst or your therapy session. I don’t know if you’ve ever climbed Mt. Everest or been the victim of an assault, if you play croquet or are a whiz in the kitchen, if you are diabetic or hit your spouse.  But unlike Sherlock who puts clues and facts together, I simply make assumptions, and human nature being what it is, I also judge.

That being said, everything I want to know about Robin Williams has been shared in moving tributes this week, tributes that gave examples how his bigger than life persona touched lives in very personal ways around the globe. I want all he wanted to remain private to do so and to continue to celebrate what he chose to share. That includes his talent, his heart, parts of his soul, and yes, even some secrets.

Marilyn