Concert etiquette

The last two Saturday nights I have attended concerts. One featured a volunteer orchestra and chorus and the other showcased professionals and students on a musical path. As a side note, there was a bagpiper at each concert.  More important, both nights included annoying behaviors by fellow concert-goers sitting in front of me. At the first one, two women frequently commented behind cupped hands while at the other, the couple’s irritating actions took on several forms. Again there were the frequent whispers, but he bounced in his seat or kept time by bobbing his head or foot. She helped to direct the music with hand gestures. Her head on his shoulder led to smooches.

Here’s the sequence of my internal conversation the first night:

“I’ll bet they’re sisters and they have a father or mother on stage.”

“Do they think they are at home watching a movie?”

“Maybe if I kick the back of their chairs as I cross my leg they’ll stop.”

“I should loudly whisper to my friend, ‘Can you believe how rude some people are?’”

“I should just lean forward and ask them to be quiet.”

“They’re not really being noisy, just rude.”

“Calm down. They seem to really be enjoying the concert and it’s good they are here supporting whomever.”

“Relax and enjoy the show.” 

The other night it was a similar sequence, although that couple’s behavior was much more distracting and I had a harder time relaxing and concentrating on the performance. There were eight year olds in our row who were more polite than those two fifty-somethings. I felt most sorry for the people sitting next to the lovebirds for their seats bounced right along with his and their arms got bumped as she fidgeted to move closer to him. 

There were many years when I would have actually done most of those things that went through my mind. That was until I came to realize that I live by a double standard. Why is it ok when I wave my finger to co-conduct during a favorite piece but not ok for someone else, or for me or my companion to make a private comment but others can’t talk?  

Sure, there are times when the distractions are beyond acceptable and need to be addressed, but norms, things like theater and concert etiquette are changing. I recently enjoyed a movie where we each had a comfortable recliner, a moveable tray, and could order food with the flick of a switch. I’m not keeping pace with these changes and I don’t know what to do about it. Pease let me know if you’ve got it figured out.

 

Marilyn