What is it called?

What is it called when you have a song in your head and you turn on the radio to hear that song being played? Or to be thinking of someone and the phone rings with them on the line or their email or text pops up? Or when two of you say the same thing ("jinx...you owe me a coke"), I mean beyond the word 'coincidence?' 

We've all had such an experience. It is different from but also similar to that eerie deja vu feeling. Whether or not it has a name, it reminds me that we are all connected to the universe in a variety of ways beyond walking on its surface and finding relationships with our own and other species. 

It's Earth Day on Wednesday. At the office the Green Team has been talking about ways to observe the day and decided to recommend we turn off all lights for an hour. Some people won't notice and a few may be bothered, but perhaps everyone will think about the action and the meaning behind it. 

Earth Day is one reminder of our inter- and co-dependence with earth, air, wind, and water. And each other. Just like those simultaneous radio or email experiences.

Marilyn

Ten extensions and lessons

1. Homes have extensions. My dad and his pals built our enclosed back porch.  That addition increased the value of the house and our enjoyment of the outdoors. This extension was a place to gather and relax and showcased my father’s skills.
2. Some furniture can grow. One window opened into the porch. In there, the dining room table was often extended to accommodate a larger group. Those extensions celebrated my mother’s culinary and entertaining abilities.
3. Specific tools need to reach farther. I’m on the hunt for one of those gizmos with a long handle and a squeegee on the end so I can wash the windows outside. Other tools with extensions, like ladders, make work easier.
4. Communication systems connect.  “If you know your party’s extension you may dial it at any time.” Because my dad worked at the phone company we had a telephone in almost every room and in every color. Phone extensions link us and provide safety.
5. Property lines widen. In winter we neighborhood kids could expand our ice skating area across several backyards with some forethought and permission to spray water strategically. That extension of property brought fun.
6. Work and deadlines might shift. When I was self-employed the words “we would like to extend your contract” provided security, boosting my ego and bank account. Extending a due date can lead to better results.
7. Bodies can improve. Amputees are fitted for prosthetics that extend to the correct length and provide functionality. Skilled stylists weave additions onto hair. Part of physical fitness training, particularly for dancers, is extension exercises. There are machines that focus on extension to strengthen, build, and tone specific leg and arm muscles.
8. Life can be prolonged. One hard part of being an adult is making the necessary plans to ensure that our wishes are followed as we ponder if and how we want our lives to be extended, our death to be postponed.
9. Childrearing equals self-perpetuation. I’ve known and experienced a parent who believes a child is an extension of themselves. While this may be true on many levels, it is the separation, the allowing of children to grow and step away that truly develops both the parent and the child.
10. Definitions expand. With words like ‘blended’ and ‘extended’ and ‘family of the heart’ we find acceptance and a network of support.

The legacies we are presenting to the next generation are more than heirlooms. We are also leaving the impact of the intangibles: things like safety, fun, skill development, acceptance, support, loving words and gestures that extend both the giver and receiver’s sense of self, worth, and belonging. So, at the end of his list, I guess the best extensions are a hand for greeting and arms open, ready for a hug.

 

Marilyn

Three lessons from the last three decades

Last week I used the phrase, “if only I knew then what I know now.” That challenged me to list a few kernels of what I meant.

1. Not everything gets resolved. When I was younger I thought there were always answers, even if I knew I wouldn’t like some of them. But I’ve learned that some people leave our lives and we never really know why. Some lifelong struggles will always be there. Despite laws, treaties and good intentions, peoples and societies will ever deal with tensions about differences and old real and imagined hurts or even atrocities in covert and overt ways. There is a reason that “it is what it is” is a truth and an ever more popular phrase.
2. If we always look before we leap we can miss things. We miss the fun of splashing in puddles, shuffling through autumn leaves, or discovering interesting people, art, theories, or activities that could being new dimensions to our outlook. I’ve known people whose world has shrunk. Some element of caution is certainly appropriate, but however caution entered our lives, it is helpful to examine all the ways in which we let it determine our steps.
3. Everyone’s got stuff. While I’ve always hated that one of my challenges was obvious, I have learned that even the most level-headed, kind and seemingly well-adjusted person has their own issues or demons. Some may never address their underlying drivers; some pursue reasons and answers in multiple ways or others talk about their problems incessantly but never search for solutions. Even though we know that there isn’t a sliding scale for awful, and that yes, there are people whose lives are falling apart more than ours, there are days when we each feel we deserve the trophy for “Most Awful Stuff." And, on some days, we should get it. But only some.

Bet you’ve got three of your own lessons-learned-the-hard-way that you could add. Let me know and I’ll share in the future.

Marilyn