Three lessons from the last three decades

Last week I used the phrase, “if only I knew then what I know now.” That challenged me to list a few kernels of what I meant.

1. Not everything gets resolved. When I was younger I thought there were always answers, even if I knew I wouldn’t like some of them. But I’ve learned that some people leave our lives and we never really know why. Some lifelong struggles will always be there. Despite laws, treaties and good intentions, peoples and societies will ever deal with tensions about differences and old real and imagined hurts or even atrocities in covert and overt ways. There is a reason that “it is what it is” is a truth and an ever more popular phrase.
2. If we always look before we leap we can miss things. We miss the fun of splashing in puddles, shuffling through autumn leaves, or discovering interesting people, art, theories, or activities that could being new dimensions to our outlook. I’ve known people whose world has shrunk. Some element of caution is certainly appropriate, but however caution entered our lives, it is helpful to examine all the ways in which we let it determine our steps.
3. Everyone’s got stuff. While I’ve always hated that one of my challenges was obvious, I have learned that even the most level-headed, kind and seemingly well-adjusted person has their own issues or demons. Some may never address their underlying drivers; some pursue reasons and answers in multiple ways or others talk about their problems incessantly but never search for solutions. Even though we know that there isn’t a sliding scale for awful, and that yes, there are people whose lives are falling apart more than ours, there are days when we each feel we deserve the trophy for “Most Awful Stuff." And, on some days, we should get it. But only some.

Bet you’ve got three of your own lessons-learned-the-hard-way that you could add. Let me know and I’ll share in the future.

Marilyn