Don't Go to Abilene

Nearly twenty years ago I tried an experiment.  I saved all of my holiday cards and opened them on Christmas morning.  The idea evolved out of the changes within my circle of friends and family when we started shifting from the tradition of gift-giving to doing something special together during the year.  As much as I agreed with abandoning the excesses of the 1980s, I worried about how I might feel with no presents to actually open on Christmas, and that’s when I came up with the idea to hold the mail. 

So, on daybreak of that December the 25^th, I curled up with Kimberly Katt (Millie’s predecessor), a cup of coffee, and a pile of news and wishes and pretty scenes.  Carols were playing in the background.  The hugs and greetings across the miles were better than any stack of boxes.  So, while there have been a couple of instances where I’ve missed an invitation or been a little late in sending off congratulations based on what was in a card, the experiment has become my tradition.

I’ve observed that some folks are struggling with traditions this season:

*        Some aren’t feeling up to the old traditions, whether it’s baking the cookies or decorating the tree.  That’s ok.  Take a year off.  See if you miss it or how you feel about it next year.

*        Some like me are in a new home.  Everything may not fit or you may need more decorations, but a move helps sort treasures from the ‘stuff.’

*        Some are in a new relationship or a new phase.  From baby’s first Christmas to a first holiday alone to hosting aging relatives, take heart in the fact that there are no rights or wrongs, only memories to make or cherish.

There is a Harvard study about a family’s trip to Abilene that is used in an organizational development process.  The gist of it is that early one pleasant afternoon as a family sat around on their front porch, someone floated the idea of a Sunday drive to Abilene.  The next thing everyone knew they were piled in the car for the hot ride.  Hours later when they returned home, exhausted, it finally was revealed that no one had really wanted to go – everyone thought they were the odd person out with no desire to make the trip.

Traditions matter.  But every so often they need to be examined to ensure they are still relevant.  So, this season share the origin of one of your traditions with a friend or around the family table.  Is it still working for you, connecting you to your past, fostering your present, or offering meaning to the future?  Does it need to be tweaked or even abandoned?  Make sure you are honoring the tradition’s meaning and not traveling to Abilene.

Have a blessed holiday,

Marilyn