Doing the best we can

Since there are no perfect families, despite what Norman Rockwell paintings might portray, part of our journey to maturity and self-acceptance is the ability to adjust to what we didn’t have. And, I think part of that growth is the understanding that our parents did the best they could or knew how to do. While we have all met people who never should have been parents, no one sets out to deliberately screw up their child. That simply happens along the path to adulthood, to all of us children in some way.
 

Parents whom I admire, at least in what I see outside of their family’s four walls, tell me that they had to learn to parent each child differently. Such adjustment requires knowing a child’s needs and balancing that with their responsibility to raise a healthy, well-adjusted child ready to participate in and contribute to the world around them. For example, one child might get a quiet timeout while another lose some privilege.

There are so many things my parents never taught me. Dealing with emotion and finances are at the top of my blame list. Over the years my anger over this has softened as I learned lessons the hard way and gained some skill. Also, when I examine who they were – at least what I can know – and my limited knowledge of their own upbringing, I have come to believe that they did indeed do the best they could. That has shifted my finger pointing somewhat and my feelings have gone from anger and resentment to sad and regret.

Some might preach that there needs to be forgiveness. Perhaps that is true, I simply don’t know, and if that is true, I’m not there yet but also don’t feel a need to be. By getting to the point I have, I’ve discarded baggage that I’ve been carrying for decades.

There is no easy or step-by-step formula that has gotten me to where I am so, no, the next blog will not be ‘how to get over the disservices done to you in your childhood.’ I’m not even sure why this is the topic for today’s musing. I do know that each of us has stuff to divest and that very fact is another thing we all have in common. Whatever stuff you have gotten rid of, are dealing with, or wish you could face – well, I would enjoy chatting about the process with you if you’d like. Meanwhile, pack up only what you want to take with you on your journey today. See what you can leave behind.

Marilyn