Dining room tables

Dining room tables My sister-in-law joined a group that plays the card game euchre and recently it was her turn to host. As she was organizing her first hand, she remembered a time decades ago when our family was doing the same thing around that same table, one piece of furniture my brother had asked for when we were carefully dividing family treasures. She looked down and silently patted the dark mahogany and smiled. Now, that would be a sweet story if that was the whole truth. What she also recalled were the times when it was the rest of the family playing cards while she sat alone in the living room reading or watching TV because playing cards, particularly with her very competitive mother-in-law, had never really been her thing.  Being able to do your own thing in a family setting should be encouraged, so, again, that should be another part of a fond memory. But breaking from the pack wasn't always encouraged in our house. Tacit approval – “do what you want” – might have been the words my mother said, but the set of her jawline said "you're supposed to be in the other room with the rest of us."  "Supposed to be" was big in my house and too often, things, and even the people, were not what they were supposed to be. Unfortunately, we never quite figured out what the "supposed to be" was, only that we hadn't got it right. The house smelled great. The food was delicious. Our Thanksgiving table looked very much like the Norman Rockwell painting, but that was surface. Once each of us realized that we were never going to fill the shoes of "supposed to be" our lives got better. When large celebrations got to be too much for mother, my sister-in-law hosted family dinners around her own dining room table. I enjoyed preparing and serving every day and holiday meals at my table, which is an English pub hand-me-down table, a gift more than 40 years ago from some British friends who paid two pounds ten for it during WWII. I'm glad that the table I grew up with, the place where my parents and I had most evening meals together for nearly 17 years, is still being used to entertain and connect. Just the other day my sister-in-law sat at that table to share coffee with a neighbor who'd received bad news. This Thursday some tables will be filled to the brim with food and folks will sit elbow to elbow. Others will have sparse fixings. Conversation will be stilted or will flow. Some may rationally discuss the disparate headlines about welcoming vs. banning individuals because of race or religion and even appreciate the irony of that issue on this particular holiday. Before anyone takes a bite some may bow their heads to give thanks beyond the cook. Wherever and with whomever you gather, may there be no “supposed to be” vibes in the air, just a loving acceptance.

Marilyn