Gladys and Louie

Gladys and Louie were my parent’s best friends. I remember hearing lots of laughter when they came to our house for dinner and cards or falling asleep on their sofa the times they reciprocated the hospitality. Gladys and Louie were different than relatives or neighbors. They were in my parent's lives by choice, not by chance.

When I was 10 or 11 I asked my mother why we hadn't seen them in a while. I could tell that the question made her sad and her response was brief. She said that an elderly aunt of Gladys' had died and left them a lot of money. They were selling their house and moving. They had new friends. Now they were out of my parent's lives by their choice. After a couple years of Christmas cards, they were never mentioned again. This was my first inkling that a lot of the relationship lessons from the playground continue into adulthood.

Lesson #1: Loyalty isn’t guaranteed. Money changed Gladys and Louie. The desire for a winning team can leave a good friend who has no skills in the game of the moment as the last one picked.

Lesson #2: Interests shift. By the time Gladys and Louie moved on to their new life I’d had several BFFs. One good friend dropped out of Brownies.

Lesson #3: Slights, whether real or imagined, happen to everyone. We have all been on the giving and receiving end of exclusion, sometimes intentionally but more often, unintentionally.

Lesson #4: Relationships ebb and flow. Best friends from 1^st grade reunite in 5^th. Distance separates us after graduation or marriage or promotion, but I’ve some faraway or once-a-year friends with whom I can pick up where we left off.

Lesson #5: People will rise to the occasion and sometimes let us down. We’ve all made a terrible error in judgement in who we trusted and have friends who continue to disappoint, but we keep our perspective and keep them in our lives.

Lesson #6: Friends fall into categories, such as school friends, work friends, relatives and neighbors. It wasn’t until my dad retired that their circle of friends expanded from neighbors, relatives and church to include people who liked to take bus trips. They had several years of enjoyable times with these later-in-life let’s-go-somewhere friends.

Lesson #7: If we are lucky and healthy, each time a negative something happens in a relationship our heart bleeds a little or our pride is hurt but we continue to look for kinship, connections and friends. And, if we are lucky, we find them while remembering to treasure those we already have.

Marilyn