When the words don't come

According to some studies, the second most common fear is of public speaking, ranking just behind the fear of flying. What can make us nervous, beyond hundreds of eyes on us, is the thought of getting tongue-tied. Whether it is a piece we've memorized or words on a paper in front of us, we know that things can go wrong and we can end up feeling foolish and embarrassed. Even the suggestion of picturing the people in the audience in their underwear doesn't minimize the panic that the words won’t come.

Most of us are not called upon very often to be at a podium. It's in our one-on-one daily dealings when we can struggle to string together the right words. Whether spoken or written, we can stumble trying to say what we want to say. Words of comfort. Words of guidance. Words of encouragement.

The last few years many of us have added the phrase "senior moment" to our conversation, sometimes to cover when the word we are thinking of or someone’s name just isn't at our fingertips. We know it's there, on the tip of our tongue, but remains elusive for a few moments or throughout the conversation. While such experiences can be a precursor to dementia, mostly it's the stress of our lives and pressure we put on ourselves that makes words and names elusive. Hours later we think of the perfect comeback, a great punchline, a main point we forgot to make, or the name. I try to give myself grace in these circumstances and not beat myself up or get further stressed, and hope you do also.

When I have writer's block, like for this musing or the hardest for me – sympathy cards and performance reviews – I find many errands or tasks that are absolutely necessary distractions. Then, when I return to the keyboard, I can end up going off on many tangents. Some can turn out to be more interesting than where I started and are fodder for future writings. At some point something clicks and the words do come, or I try certain exercises, or I realize I've said all there is to say….

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, forget what you did, but will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

Marilyn