Fan Club

It’s one of those times of year when a local PBS stations is doing a fundraiser.  That means the schedule has shifted to those musical specials to entertain and encourage donations from viewers. When I was channel surfing the other day I caught an intermission from a show dedicated to groups of the 60s.  The broadcasters were talking about how so many of those bands and singers had a record number of fans and fan clubs.

I don’t say this often enough – I’m a member of your fan club.

I think you’re terrific.  You are great at what you do and at being who you are.

And because this is a fan club made up of people who actually know or have known you and not one of those clubs of anonymous admirers, I also know you have insecurities, faults, have made mistakes, and even have failed at something.  That’s ok. This fan doesn’t hold you to any higher human standard than she holds herself. I’ve admired how you’ve ultimately triumphed over hard times.  My life is enriched because you have been or are in it.

Know that I’m in your corner, and I believe that whatever life throws at you today, you can handle.  Maybe not easily, but as well as you can.  Beautifully.  Graciously.

So, this fan encourages you to go out there today and be your best true self. 

Marilyn

Really, that’s it this week. 

Well, if the words and the genuine feelings behind them made you smile, maybe you’d like to forward those to someone in your life.  Just a suggestion from a true fan.

The Real Thing

It was a pleasant summer evening.  We’d put together a potluck picnic, lugged our chairs, and found a comfortable spot.  If we closed our eyes, forgot the setting, and only concentrated on what we heard, we could believe we were at a Neil Diamond concert. The local entertainers, Denny Diamond Trio, were very good imitators.  This got me thinking about the real thing, good substitutes, and when and how we settle for imitation.

One of the residual benefits of Thanksgiving is a great turkey sandwich, because the rest of the year what we get in most restaurants involves a processed product.  From Spam® to diet drinks, grocery shelves are full of imitation flavors and merchandise.  Corporate marketing campaigns try to convince us they are more than just viable alternatives, they are just as good.  Why, they even blatantly named something “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter®.”  Polyester and many new fibers are great for easy care clothes, but they don’t breathe like linen or cotton. 

There is a price to pay for imitation.  I wonder what those performers have to pay annually in royalties for permission to use the Diamond brand and music.  Knock-offs cost designers not only dollars but tarnish their reputation.  Fake leather does not have the distinctive smell or feel of a properly tanned skin and fake fur can be obvious.  For those consumers whose issue is not the price of real leather or fur but the principle, they believe humanity pays a different kind of cost. News stories and novels show us it’s not too hard to find where and how to get papers to change your identity or pieces of it.   When I only read the headlines so have no sense of the depth and breadth of important issues of global realities, I become less of a citizen.

Sometimes the price is disappointment.  You’ve probably had an experience where hype so built up your expectations that the reality had you saying “is that all there is?” or “what’s the big deal?” In looking for connection or love we stay in a relationship trying to make it work, have it be the real thing, rather than accepting it is only a shadow of what we truly want or even deserve.  In our hectic phases, we can get caught up in the thinking that ‘my real life will happen – someday.’ Often that means when something else, such as college, an internship, the weight loss regimen, is over, and meanwhile, we continue on in a dreary but comfortable job, home, friendship, lifestyle, and watch the days, weeks, and months go by.  Albert Einstein said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one,” so whether it is false nails or a comb-over, when we try to hang on to or boost up an image of ourselves, our truths are still there underneath.

All of this to say that sometimes it’s good to assess our current situations.  From closet to kitchen, from workplace to recreation, are we living an imitation of the life we want or facing and enjoying our many realities? 

Marilyn

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of bein' a king and then became one?
Well except for the names and a few other changes, if you talk about me the story's the same one.

… Neil Diamond, “I am"... I said

Unfinished Projects

If you’re like me there is something in your home that you have yet to finish.  Whether it’s tucked away in a closet or drawer or out in plain sight, somehow it doesn’t make it to the to-do list.  Six months after my move I still have a picture leaning against the wall in the living room rather than hanging on a hook.  Far across from it is my newest art piece, a mosaic birdhouse I made two weeks ago.  It requires the last step, grouting.  The bag of grout is in my catch all bowl on the kitchen counter at the other end of the house.  Part of me looks at it and thinks it is fine as it is.

French author Andre Gide wrote, “In hell there is no other punishment than to begin over and over all the tasks you left unfinished in your lifetime.”   I think that includes all of the good intentions, all of the ‘could haves.’   On the other hand, English poet Christina Rossetti counters with, “Can anything be sadder than work yet unfinished?  Yes, work never begun.”

So, I’ve just pulled out a couple of ‘thinking of you’ cards that are overdue to be sent, saved another document for a potential blog idea that just didn’t work for today, and made a date with a friend I haven’t seen in a long time.  The picture still sits in its temporary place, but I bought household gloves with which I’ll apply the grout.  When I get around to it.

Let me know if you get inspired to work on an unfinished project.

Marilyn

Different Kinds of Tears

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.  Antoine de Saint-Exupery.

Do commercials ever get to you, tug at your heartstrings?  There was a Folger’s ad that ran around the holidays. A college kid got out of a car, turned, and entered a house.  Then he was in the kitchen pouring a mug of coffee. Mom stands in the doorway (inference being that she was wakened by the smell of great coffee brewing), and says with surprise and joy, “Peter, you’re home!”   I have no clue why that one always choked me up, but it did.

Can a happy or sad movie ending make you weepy?  Cary Grant and Deborah Kerr at the end of An Affair to Remember (“If it had to happen to one of us, why did it have to be you?”) is a guarantee Kleenex-worthy moment for me.  Perhaps for you it was a scene in Titanic, Gone with the Wind, South Pacific, or Saving Private Ryan. 

What about music?  Our reaction can be soul deep.  I see people dabbing their eyes during How Great Thou Art in church or You’ll Never Walk Alone at a graduation.  I cannot get through the verses of some hymns.  The words get blurry.  Our national anthem, even at a baseball game, can make me teary. 

But beyond all that, beyond the weddings and funerals, in the day to day, what is your crying pattern? Some people cry easily, be they authentic or crocodile tears.  One friend calls herself a sympathetic crier, that is, if someone else is crying she will also cry.  Another friend spent months dealing with grief and sobbed uncontrollably every day.  Crying is part of our humanity.  Parents can differentiate between a child’s angry, hurt, or lonely tears.  Whether it is conditioning (“don’t be a crybaby”), what we are told (“real men don’t cry”), something cultural or deeply personal, it may be a challenge to know our own true crying nature as an adult.  One friend can point to the exact part in his brain where he knows he is crying for something or someone, although his eyes are dry. 

I do not cry.  That is, I do not cry tears.  Not very often.  No one told me that there are different ways to cry.  This was something I came to on my own.  It used to bother me, made me feel different and inadequate because I couldn’t cry actual tears for the realities of life.

No longer.

A story on the evening news can impact me greatly and I will sigh.  That sigh is me crying.  A colleague or friend is suffering and we hug.  That hug includes thoughts that are tears.  I understand the value in a good cry and occasionally long for that type of release, but rarely in my adult life have I benefitted from it.  I now know that for pain and sorrow and even for joy – either mine or of someone dear – when I get very, very still, I am crying.

Whatever your natural release that means tears, I hope that you can welcome and honor them when they are needed.  I have learned to and it makes a difference.  It makes them sacred and sacred things are often best when shared.  American poet Clarissa Pinkola Estes wrote, “I hope you will go out and let stories happen to you, and that you will work them, water them with your blood, tears, and laughter until they bloom, til you yourself burst into bloom.”

Marilyn

July 29, 2013

The Best Intentions

Have you had something you initiated with good intentions turn out bad?  Whether it was supposed to be a helpful project or a loving conversation, I think we’ve all had the heartbreak of unexpected consequences.   A sad fantasy in my father’s dementia was that he thought my mother was having an affair.  One day I decided to see if we could ease his mind and see what was behind the accusation so I asked, “What makes you think that?”  Unfortunately I heard a gasp in the adjoining room.  My mother had overheard and considered even that question another indictment.

I spent some time this weekend ruminating over a recent interaction.  Should I really have said what I said?  What good was I thinking could really come out of sharing my observations?  I thought about sending an email, but what if the other person wasn’t also dwelling on it?  What if they really took it in the manner in which I had hoped?  Why dig it up again?  But what if they, too, have been unable to let it go?  Would a second conversation do more damage or build a bridge?

Here’s hoping that you and I will recognize good intentions when they come our way.  In terms of my concerns, I ended up doing nothing.  So far.  Today I’ll see if I can sense anything different between us.  Meanwhile, I’ll keep musician Ben Harper’s lyrics in mind next time: Life is short and if you’re looking for extension, you had best do well.  ‘Cause there’s good deeds and then there’s good intentions. They are as far apart as heaven and hell.

 Marilyn

BTW, LWTC. OMG! LOL!!

In the days before computers, those of us who worked at AT&T and interfaced with the public had to be able to pick up a customer’s record and understand previous conversations on a particular problem or inquiry.  BTW (by the way) phone calls were not only monitored but manually recorded in a ‘he said/she said’ fashion.  ORLY (oh, really?) you ask.

To be successful at both of those things we were taught a type of shorthand.  I’m SRS (serious).  LWTC meant ‘left word to call’ which indicated that a representative tried to get in touch with the consumer.  Even the language of writing up an order involved cryptic abbreviations.  T&F was a work order for someone who was moving (to & from), I was an installation order and D was disconnect.   We did not know we were a precursor to the electronic age of talking. Some of you may have a SMH (shake my head) response.  LOL (laugh out loud).

OMG (oh my god), DYK (did you know) 92% of the people in the US who participated in a 2011 poll answered ‘yes’ to ‘do you believe in God?’  That was the lowest response since this particular poll started in 1944 when the positive response was 96%.  This most recent poll however added another question, ‘do you believe in a universal spirit?’  With that tweak, the percentage climbs to 98%, with 86% clarifying ‘God’ and 12%, the ‘universal spirit.’  Does this KYSO (knock your socks off)?

IIRC (if I remember correctly) there was a mandate in my confirmation class that we could not say ‘damn’ because, as a shortened version of ‘goddamn’ we would be braking the commandment of ‘no using the name of God, your God, in curses or silly banter.  God won’t put up with the irreverent use of his name.’ (The Message, the Bible in contemporary language, 2006) Now, as a recovering fundamentalist, ICYMI (in case you missed it - see blog post We've All Got Issues of May 13, 2013), it still takes a lot of aggravation for me to swear and my irritation vocabulary is limited.

So, in my lifetime I’ve seen a shift from you can’t even say ‘damn’ to a socially accepted and promoted use of god on twitter by one and all, believers and even non-believers, I imagine.  There is a disconnect here that perplexes me.  In all the fights for social justice and rights and often on both sides of an issue, AFAIK (as far as I know) the church at large has not fought for or spoken out against this shift in language.   Making faith relevant to daily life is the role of the church, but helping define that life is important too.

Over the weekend I saw Legally Blonde, the Musical.  It was a fun evening and the performers did well.  The opening number is "Omigod, You Guys." NBD (no big deal) for some or NCT (nobody cares, though).  Does the common use diminish God’s image or make God more accessible?  Call me a prude, mark me shocked, but IMHO (in my humble opinion) the preponderance of OMG makes me cringe just a little and makes me pause. And muse.  TYT (take your time) to consider the issue and PLMK (please let me know).

Well, CUL8R (see you later).  BR (best regards)

Marilyn

Top 5 Inventions

Last fall it was my job to come up with some mealtime conversation starters for the participants of a weeklong retreat.  The one that generated the most buzz was “What are the top 5 inventions from your lifetime that changed society or impacted your life?”  The ending of the question meant the discussion could be personal or generic depending on how much people wanted to share. 

Technology , including things like the microchip, was number one and cut across all categories such as medicine, business, and even the arts.  There was agreement that some medical advances that helped individuals, such as birth control or little blue pills, also affected societal norms and values.  Some diners wanted to debate whether the impact was positive or negative.  We found it hard to distinguish between invention and what we called ‘the next.’ For example, none of us were around for the first airplane (the invention) but did experience going from propeller to jet engines (the ‘next’).  

Think about any room in your home or the different things you do each day.  It is interesting, and sometimes difficult, to realize all of the initial inventions and all the ‘nexts’ it took to get our lives to what they are.  I have a picture of my folks standing by their Model T and one of my nephew by a race car. 

If today’s generation made this list it would not include indoor plumbing, the transistor, rabbit ears, the refrigerator, or inoculations but might contain something from the latest episode of Shark Tank.  Whether it’s an improved garlic press or going from the printing press to personal printers our lives have adapted to the new and/or improved and we anticipate many more ‘nexts.’  If you are waiting for me to share the results of last year’s dinnertime discussion, you’ll be disappointed for I do not remember.  My job was and still is just to get the conversation or thought process started.  Let me know where today’s musing takes you.

Marilyn

I don't think necessity is the mother of invention.  Invention, in my opinion, arises directly from idleness, possibly also from laziness - to save oneself trouble.
... Agatha Christie