Getting back up

We’ve all fallen and been knocked down. Sometimes literally, but more often figuratively. Lots of times. In all areas of our lives. It starts when we are taking our first steps toward independence and exploration. Until we get our balance, we often end up on our bottom, stunned, with a ‘hey, what just happened?’ expression on our face. The adults around us chuckle and encourage us to not cry but to get up and try again. It continues when a sibling or playmate or school chum pushes us and we fall. That’s when we begin learning to both stand up and to stand up for ourselves.

Then we learn that we need to get back up after a disappointment, a failure, a loss, a series of bad luck events. Whether a broken heart, a poor grade, not getting the job or a promotion, we know we have to get back on the horse. Over time we learn our individual coping mechanism that helps us get back up and take the next step, and, unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, we learn what takes us to the end of our tether. It doesn’t matter that you endure something that breaks me or that I only bend when the same thing shatters another. Our reactions don’t mean than one person is stronger or weaker than another. It simply means we are at different points on a continuum or have different triggers.

What really is lamentable, however, is that over the decades we forget that with our first steps we are holding on. Usually to a hand. And, as much as we need to take those steps toward standing on our own on all levels, the flip side of that lesson is thinking that we always need to get back up all on our own. We forget those first times when we accepted, even needed, a hand to help us up, when we leaned on someone or something.

This year, life has reminded me how important it can be to accept that helping hand when offered, and to ask for it to be there like a safety net when needed. Perhaps it is a gift of age along with necessity that has enabled me to stop being so self-reliant. But it is a lesson learned that I would like to keep in play moving forward. After all, continuing to move forward in one’s life is why we get back up. I challenge you to think about an area in your life where you need to get back up but need a little help. Reach out. I believe you’ll find it’s not as hard as you thought and that a needed resource will appear.

Marilyn

'and then' times

We've all experienced 'and then' times. Our 'and then' times are either long periods where each day can be condensed into 'and then' activities, summarizing what kept us busy, or periods of good or bad disruptions to the routine. Just yesterday one friend had a blip that included "and then I was rear-ended and probably need a new car," this after recently losing her job, while another's 'and then' was a twisted ankle on the last day of vacation in Hong Kong. A third friend recently celebrated a milestone 'and then' when she told her employer she was retiring even as she prepares to move from a house she's lived in for a couple of decades.

For me, 2016 has been an 'and then' year. It started in January when I walked into the glass wall through the fact that a week ago I was in the hospital with a morphine epidural post-surgery. You may have given some thought to your ‘and then’ times, but here's what I've learned about mine:

• When there are no traumas or joyous interruptions, the days blend together and, if I am not careful, I keep busy doing but not necessarily living or moving my life forward. I fill the minutes but not necessarily my life.
• I come from a comparing people. How do I compare to you? When I experience a series of challenges, hurts or disruptions, it is easy to fall into the 'poor me' mode until I encounter someone in more dire straits. Comparisons provide some perspective to jostle me out of those 'poor me/and then' times.
• Comparisons can also make me bitter, envious or jealous when I see a series of 'and then' good things happen to others, even to those close to me. Maturity and love now allows me to recognize the envy while still celebrating the other's good fortune.
• When I experience my own 'and then' blessings I downplay them, don't share the news with some people and usually don't take the time to bask in the brightness and joy.  I have a smidgen of fear that the good is undeserved and the knowledge that good times don't last.
• I have used my 'and then' challenges to either isolate myself or embrace everyone around me who loves me and wants to lend support.  I can affirm that allowing others to walk the difficult path with me is much better. It has made my year richer and the 'and then' trials not as hard.

So, I challenge you. The next ‘and then’ that comes your way, good or bad, share it in a different way than you normally would. See what happens.

Marilyn

Punctuation marks

For those of a certain age, we remember Victor Borge's comedy sketch about punctuation. Whether you were a fan of his or not, that piece really is a classic. If you haven't seen it, I'm sure it's on You Tube. The premise was that verbal communication might be easier if each punctation mark had a sound. For example, people would know you were at the end of a sentence by a cluck of the tongue. 

This topic came to mind because a couple of clever people have told me that now, post surgery, I am a semi-colon. After I chuckled, I realized that, come to think of it, there are punctuation mark stages of our lives. We all start off as a dash - that straight line that better defines the phrase that came before. Children somersault or curl up as a period. When we stand up straight, we are an exclamation point. Raising our arms in celebration, we are quote marks that can signal a beginning and an end to the event. People raise one arm in a salute, thereby using one quote mark to name whatever they are a part of. When we hug we are parentheses and when we sleep we may be commas. As we age and are bent over, we become a question mark, which can indicate that because we have decades of experience of living, we may have the answers to some of life's mysteries. In our coffin, we return to the dash or an exclamation mark at rest.

Over the course of my writing life some punctuation rules have changed. We no longer put two spaces in between sentences or a comma before the and in a series. For example, it used to be apples, oranges, and grapes but now the standard is people, animals and trees. As my colleagues and I worked on writing our annual reports, we edited carefully for consistency throughout, and mumbled at corporate brands that go against the rule of a comma before Inc. or the like. 

The faithful companion of writing is reading, and while I worry about grammar and punctuation, as long as people are communicating I guess we'll see what evolves. While it seems that more people are writing thanks to email and social media, many elements of writing are changing. We LOL and use emojis to reflect feelings. I wonder what Victor Borge would have done with those! 

Marilyn

PS: Sorry for the change in type size. Written and puslished from the hospital and having trouble with technology.

Preparations

This is one of those musings where I had a perfectly good 400 words blog on how we spend a large part of our lives getting ready. From starting an academic journey with preschool and kindergarten that prepares us for graduation, to planning a wedding, to adapting a home for a baby or an elderly relative, to wearing a suit for an important meeting, I had examples. I wrote about a friend who spent months preparing for a 3 week trip to China, concerned about what to take and the imposed weight limit. Her preparations paid off, for I’m getting occasional emails like "Glad I had a granola bar," or "I had the right clothes for the thrilling but hot 4 mile walk of the Great Wall."

But as I read what I’d written, I hadn’t made any point, so I had to think about why the topic of preparations was on my mind in the first place and where I really wanted to go with it. I realized it rose from the fact that I'm preparing for surgery. It continues with recognizing that too often we don’t understand how preparations are as much a process as they are tasks on a to-do list. Then there is an element of not exhausting ourselves with the preparations to the point that we cannot enjoy or participate in what we’ve been planning for. Or, how sometimes we are dreading what we are preparing for and how we need to plan to deal with that. It ends with the issue that we often forget to acknowledge, invite or accept other’s assistance in our preparations.

As someone who has worked very hard all her life to be self-sufficient, this is a time when others are contributing to my preparations and in a variety of ways. One friend knit a prayer shawl while another is treating me to a pre-surgery massage. Others will take me to the hospital and be there when I wake up, and two invited me to their home for recovery because they knew I would have trouble with the stairs at my new home right after surgery. A nurse walked me through a pamphlet on everything I need to know before, during and after my hospital stay.

I’ve shopped and packed and made plans and contingencies for home and office and treated myself to a pedicure. I have to believe that as I do my part, the others involved are also doing theirs. For me, it is very personal and, I hope, a one-time thing. For the surgeon and staff, their preparation is the routine, their norm, the everyday actions of their profession in dealing with dozens of people weekly and founded on their education, experience and honed expertise. For those in my life walking this journey with me, they are listening and hugging, praying, and planning the meals they will bring when I’m home.

There may not be something this significant going on in your life, but as you go through your routine preparations this week, I urge you to consider the elements involved in those normal activities and apply something that you’ve read here. Make sure that you are able to fully engage in what you are preparing, plan how to handle the unpleasant, and allow others to participate. And let me know how it changes things for you.

Marilyn

Success depends on previous preparation and without such preparation there is sure to be failure. Confucius. 

One morning commute

There I was, traveling east on the Eisenhower Expressway, watching the hazy bright yellow sun hanging to the right of the Sears Tower in a morning blue sky. Traffic was slow because of the glare, but the view made up for the snail's pace. As I emerged from under an overpass, there, far ahead on the right just off the highway, were two round images against the skyline. They looked like water towers side by side. They hadn't been there the day before. From a distance, and with the sun in my eyes, I couldn't figure out what they were. 

Coming around a slight curve in the road, the glowing circle of the sun was now below the other two mystery circles and I started to laugh. It was Mickey Mouse's silhouette. The

round face (the sun) and two round ears (unknown circles) perfectly aligned. When I finally got close enough, I saw that the ears were balloons advertising balloons for all occasions. Then I chuckled even more. The balloons were on the roof of a building with an ad for granite headstones painted on the side facing the highway. I smiled at the juxtaposition all the way to my exit.

Waiting at the end of the exit ramp for the light to change, I looked at the red SUV in front of me. The vanity license plate was ISIS with a number. I thought, "Boy, that driver has a strong sense of self to proudly keep an acronym that must have some meaning to them, but which the uninformed person in the car behind can only wonder about." 

So, in a car's length I went from tickled to thoughtful. 

Turning left onto Ashland, the car to my right also turned. Now, that's not a double left turn corner, so I was forced into a different lane than normal to avoid a collision. The other driver seemed oblivious as he went straight down the middle lane of a 3 lane section of the street. Too bad that a pothole that hadn't been in the street the day before was suddenly there for him to experience rather than me. 

So, in a block's length I went from thoughtful back to tickled. 

When I turned onto Randolph where our office sits on the corner, I got the last parking spot on the street. It was a pretty good beginning to the day and quite different from the normal commute that seems so routine that it becomes rote. So much of our lives depends on a smooth routine and such constants can be comforting. In this musing I’m not suggesting we all switch up a routine, just that we be on the lookout for the whimsy that might be present in our daily activities. Such surprises brighten the day and are fodder for a good story.

Marilyn

5 things I want to un-invent

We've all got our pet peeves. Such things basically fall into two categories: behaviors and things. Behaviors get resolved in relationships. If you work in an office, you know that teammate who never makes a fresh pot of coffee or cleans up after themselves. When you live with someone, you compromise about clutter and cleanliness. You adjust, or not, to changes in society that have ‘like’ as every other word in a sentence, underwear showing or online shopping. This musing is not about those, but about 5 things I wish had never been invented.

This topic came to mind because the first item is in my new home and I cannot change it. There is only one switch in the bathroom and it turns on, simultaneously, the ceiling light and the exhaust fan. I've always been annoyed with such switches in hotels, and now I've got it in my home. I understand the reason for it is to help eliminate the moisture, but still. Now I can't hear the radio in the kitchen.

My second peeve has been in my last 2 cars. When the temperature outside hits 39 degrees, my car beeps to tell me it might snow with an alert usually meant for stop-the-car-now-before-it-blows-up and a flashing snowflake. Each autumn as it gets colder, even though I know it is coming, I get momentarily frightened. I remain irritated until spring.

While the first two may not be on your list, I'll bet this one is: molded plastic packaging. That heavy stuff that is so difficult to cut but that you can cut yourself on. I'm sure it was shoplifting statistics that led to this invention, but I'll admit there are things I have not bought because I didn't want to deal with the packaging.

It’s back to the bathroom for my fourth item I wish hadn't been invented: the automatic faucet, the kind with sensors that start the flow of the water. I find these troubling because I seem to always stand at the sink where the sensor is non-sensitive and water doesn’t come. Same for automatic soap dispensers.

The last thing for now that I want to un-invent is bottled water. During my prep for moving, on move day and for the unpacking parties, I was grateful for the water in plastic, but also know had they not been available there were alternatives. I won’t buy anymore until it’s time for a big gathering. While I appreciate the convenience, the money we are collectively putting into some conglomerate’s pockets while harming the environment is absurd. Let’s ship all the bottled water to someplace experiencing a drought.

Alright, I’ve ranted enough and appreciate a venue in which to vent. At the moment, these are my top 5. What would you add?

Marilyn

Attention to detail

We recently needed to purchase fireproof file cabinets. Each cabinet weighs 500 pounds, so after ensuring that the flooring could handle the additional stress, I needed the appropriate space to be available when they were delivered. This was a great opportunity to do more organizing – certain departments needed more storage while others could do some consolidating. After lots of measuring and negotiating, on File Cabinet Domino Day, movers shifted around 10 cabinets to have the right spots for the new heavy cabinets.

I moved to my new home over the weekend. On Friday, a wonderful friend and a hired teen packed up our cars with plants, groceries and treasures. I've moved enough to know that a folding chair needs to be part of the pre-move schlepping. My friend, who has moved more often than me, was impressed with the chair for she always ended up sitting on the floor to rest after scrubbing or while simply waiting. Move day itself requires having things ready, labeled, giving clear directions, as well as lots of water and energy snacks for the workers. The grapes in the afternoon were a big hit with Andrew and Stephen, while Mark and Tony went for the chocolate chip cookies.

So, while I can do the details, mostly I think of myself as a big picture person. I like painting the broad strokes and letting others consider the particulars. Well, what I really like best is collaboration, where my broad strokes are enhanced and flushed out with others’ input, and the details they create are improved with my review or by others we add to the team.

One would think that such collaboration, where everyone is allowed to play to their strengths, would enable teams to do their best work. I don’t think that is always true. We all need to learn how to function outside of our comfort zones. 

My life is richer because of the situations that have made me stretch or wear alternative hats even if I’m not always happy about it. This week I’ll be hiring a new team member. While I’ll be looking for someone who is detail oriented because that’s what the job calls for, I really need someone who is willing to take on opportunities to help them stretch and ultimately challenge me. What new hat are you ready and willing to try on today?

Marilyn