Not as it should be

When the ER doctor showed me the x-ray of my left hand after my fall last Friday, I saw that the pointer finger, positioned like a large capital C next to the other straight fingers, was not as it should be. When I hear yelling, foul language and slamming doors, I know that a relationship in my building is not as it should be,

For decades I’ve been working on erasing, wherever possible, the word 'should' from my conversations. 'I should do," or "I should be," or “you should" or 'shouldn't" are phrases I’ve at least tried to catch before they come out of my mouth and have hoped to not even think them. They are judgements I was placing on myself and others. As someone raised in a judgmental environment and who felt she never measured up, I don’t want to engage in language that even hints at criteria for acceptance or create a home with rigid checklists and timetables.

I realize that it this not realistic. All relationships include elements of acceptance, of inclusion and exclusion. As long as the criteria is known, constant, reasonable and achievable, that should be okay, well, at least worth trying for. We can all do better in many elements of relationships and personal growth and to that extent, we should try. So perhaps what I’m doing is seeking gentler language for a more gracious response, reaction and interaction. Would love to know how you’ve dealt with things when they are not as they should be.

Marilyn

P.S. In my more than 250 Monday musings there have only been a couple of times when there was a series dedicated to one topic over a few weeks. I realized that a fractured finger and what came to mind for this week actually combined two weeks ago (thumb, pointer, etc.) and last week's (In a world where). There should/could be a different message in there if only the pain meds would let the thoughts gel.