Multiple choice

When you were in school, what was your favorite type of question on a quiz? From elementary through high school I wanted true or false questions. I wanted answers to be a clear choice, and then, if I was simply guessing, the odds were 50/50. After true/false, I liked essays. Being a lover of words, I could extol on why an answer was clear cut, why what I was writing, with lots of flowery language and fillers, was correct. But, as I really learned, thought and matured in college, I grew to appreciate multiple choice questions, well, as long as the options included 'all of the above' or 'none of the above' or 'select all that apply.' I no longer wanted there to be only one answer.

Multiple choice, however, can take a long time to catch up with real life. I remember celebrating when the option of Ms. finally appeared in the column along with Miss and Mrs. and Mr. as a box you could check. I recently met someone who is using Mx. as a prefix and who wants to be gender neutral. So, as I continue to learn, think, and I hope mature, I accept that there are even more boxes that can be added. 

I'm grateful to be living in a time and a place where frequently there are lots of options for living our lives and lots of possible and correct answers and solutions to the challenges we face. I can appreciate that even when the answers that are correct for me and differ from the answers that are correct for you, we might find a spot on a continuum where we are both satisfied. I'm frustrated, however, that too often for the things that really count, I want to check 'none of the above.' 

There's a TV ad for DNA testing where a woman says she now selects 'other' on forms because she learned her ethnic background has made her much more than she thought she was. We are all more than we think we are in terms of having the potential to facilitate change. May we find the courage and energy to do what we can to ensure that multiple choices for who we want to be as individuals and as a society thrive for generations to come.

Marilyn

The potlucks of life

Last week we had our annual Thanksgiving potluck at the office. That lunch always brings back fond memories of church potlucks from my youth. Families lined up at tables laden with dozens of homemade dishes. We all hoped that Mrs. Goehle brought her triple layer jello salad with pears and maraschino cherries, that Mrs. Johnson made baked beans and that Mrs. so-and-so did not. I've been to potlucks where there were lots of deviled eggs but no desserts or lots of potato salad and no meat. There were even times where the hosts realized that too many people arrived to partake but not contribute. To prevent any of those scenarios, we post a signup sheet at the office.

The idea of a potluck means that we take a chance that things provided will be good and acceptable, but there is no signup sheet for the potluck of life. As much as we want a banquet table with lots of choices in every aspect of our lives, that's not what we get. Or, it is what we get, and we make poor choices. Sometimes we stand there, at the head of the line, feeling alone, uncertain which utensil to use, not to mention which dish to select. Other times we feel pushed from behind to hurry along and we take the first thing we see. Most often, we routinely pick the comfortable and familiar, only occasionally examining the exotic and new.

As I mused on the idea of potlucks here at the beginning of this Thanksgiving week, two quotes came to mind. One is Forrest Gump saying, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." We never do know what or who will be added to or taken away from our table. We can pick up a nice looking new salad only to discover we don't like the dressing, just like we meet someone we'd like to know better but learn that they are all surface and no substance. The other phrase comes from Psalm 23, "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies." You and I may have different beliefs on who "Thou" is, or if there even is a Thou, but for centuries people have found solace in those words. 

Perhaps you are dreading this holiday because of someone who will be at your table. Whatever makes them the enemy - behavior, politics, personality, history - it's probably too Pollyannaish to even suggest that you remind them that life is a potluck and their view is one of many, but it may help to concentrate on the potluck of other people present. Me? I'll be with some of my family of the heart. I'm bringing the stuffing. Oh, and today at the office I'll be posting a signup for our holiday Dip 'n Dessert party. This is something new and I can't wait to see how this potluck turns out!

Marilyn

Do you believe in magic?

Like most things in life, people either like, hate or are ambivalent about magic. The term covers a range of things, from Houdini and David Copperfield to pumpkins turning into carriages, from clowns piling out of a small car to wishing on a star, from Harry Potter and heroes with super powers to the first snowfall of the season. Magic has to do with illusion, and that's where we are all magicians. We live under many illusions, the biggest one being that we are in control.

For a while, we can maintain the illusion that we can conquer our to-do lists, manage conflicting relationships, handle aging, meet that life goal. We come to believe that with enough money, we can be happy. With enough self discipline, we can lose those 10 pounds. With enough love, we can change someone. With enough charm, others won't see the insecurities and fears under the surface. With enough power, we can do whatever we want no matter the consequences to others and, since magic is also about misdirection, with enough of that, we believe no one will catch what we are really doing.

We take comfort when we can say that something 'outside of our control' is responsible. It's great to be able to point fingers at the weather, traffic or someone else missing a deadline. We get so used to things as they are or, more likely, as we believe them to be, that we are surprised when life intervenes with something that forces us to change direction and acknowledge that our control is fleeting at best and, at worst, nonexistent. When everything seems out of control, we are reminded that the only thing really under our control, in every aspect of our lives, is our ability to make wise decisions. It would truly be magic if I could remember that more often.

Marilyn

We shall not be moved

Some words are very versatile. Think about the word move as a verb. We move on, move out, move up, move around, move away or back or closer and, to make room for another, we move over. It's an action oriented word even as a noun. In a game we take turns making our moves and recognize that certain moves may put our position in jeopardy or catapult us forward. As a result of another's actions or words, you or I may be moved, bringing an emotional element to the activity and versatility of the word. In relationships, and I'm showing my age here, Carole King felt the earth move under her feet and James Taylor noted that there is something in the way she moves. 

That's all interesting, but academic, and much is also based on the luxury of having a choice to move or not. Our world is full of the flip side of that. Hundreds of thousands of refugees are on the move because their lives, livelihood and ways of living are in jeopardy. Hundreds of thousands of women and men are stuck in abusive relationships or dead-end jobs, afraid to make a move for fear of putting their lives or livelihood in jeopardy. Meanwhile, political, religious and other leaders dig in their heels on one position, claiming, like the lyrics in the poplar civil rights era song, We Shall Not Be Moved. No siree, like that tree standing by the water side, We Shall Not Be Moved because it will weaken our stance and reputation.

Please, all of you in Washington and Springfield and fill-in-a-place, do not just keep moving on from one topic to another when no progress has been made. We're standing, sometimes just treading water here in between the riverbanks, while you righteously stand on one side, pontificating and pointing fingers over our heads to the other side. Meanwhile, on gun control, we are targets. On health care, we are patients running out of patience. On the economy, we're up to our waist, awaiting a recession. Someone, please do something to get things moving.

Marilyn