People
come into our lives for a reason. Sometimes we understand why right
away. At a shared event like a conference, we may meet a kindred spirit,
enhancing the whole experience. Casual conversations with a stranger can
have deep meaning. New colleagues join a team or new neighbors move in, bringing
unique perspectives that make us think. Someone within our circle marries. A
child is born. Each new person can be a gift.
People leave our lives for a reason. Sometimes we understand why right away. Well, at least on the surface, particularly if it is the normal order of things. Friends move away, both our worlds shift and we hope that our friendship endures the transition. Elders die and we soldier on. But most often we struggle to find answers to a valued connection’s departure, or at least we are puzzled. That kindred spirit doesn’t get in touch. Accidents and disease take people too soon. Relationships end, sometimes just fizzling out over time, and sometimes due to deliberate and hurtful break ups or to new twists, turns or priorities on one person’s part. And, when connections shift, when relationships end, we have to figure out how to keep going, how to move on, how to work through the pain. Ultimately, all that too can be a gift.
Hindsight
makes it possible for us to understand the gift that a person gave us when they
entered and/or when they left our lives. We’ve all experienced good and
bad relationships that have helped mold who we are today. We realize that
we are stronger for having endured, but that doesn’t mean we are grateful for
the abuse or the abuser, for the broken engagement, for the hurt, for the
grief, the pain, the doubting of self. When we meet someone new who turns out
to be such a better partner or we build a different type of life than we’d once
envisioned and feel richer, our contentment puts the past in perspective. My
biggest retrospective learning is that when I meet someone to whom I have an
immediate negative reaction, it is probable that they represent some
characteristic that I do not like within myself. That’s a harsh reality that
tells me I should try to engage with that person rather than retreat. I should
consider them to be a gift.
This is the Monday of Thanksgiving week and there may be new, different, unexpected or empty chairs where you are gathered. Perhaps the timing is such that the luxury of hindsight hasn’t had time to kick in yet and you still are hurt or grieving. Perhaps you are nervous about bringing someone new to the circle even as you are on a high for having this person in your life. Whatever your circumstance, just breathe and see if you can find how the concept of gift and a particular person applies to you right now and give thanks.
Marilyn
