Time management

There is a time management technique called ABC. Categorize your tasks into A (most important), B (next) and C (least). The experts tell you to work on the A list and forget about B and C. In fact, if C includes a stack of papers, they suggest you toss the stack in the bottom drawer and cite that in 6 months you'll be able to throw them away, never having done a thing with them. The problem is that the C and B items are often more interesting, easier to tackle or take little time, so we work on them to check them off the list and feel as though we've accomplished something.

So it is with life. We are distracted by the easy, the less time consuming, the more interesting regardless of what is on our to-do list or what is most important. For the last decade one of my resolutions has been to update my will. It really won't take long. I've made notes and the decisions. I don't find the task depressing, but somehow have not gotten around to it. Why is that? I think it is because no one is holding me accountable. Without that, or without an extraordinary event like a fatal diagnosis, I am not motivated to make updating my will an A list item.

Another issue for procrastinators revolves around a key word in the above paragraph - distracted. Given all of the options available to us every minute of every day, it is a miracle that we get anything done at all. Why do the laundry when there might be a new email, text or post? Why return that phone call when a colleague needs help?

While I never have been a member of the I-work-best-under-pressure club, I do think that items that have no deadline can remain unaddressed until something changes that status. There are many library books I have read because an email reminded me that their due date was approaching. There are many that went unread even after one renewal because, with all of the distractions of life, the title didn't make the priority list.

Finally, for me at least, the last excuse for not taking care of A items is that they are out of sight. I moved into my apartment a year ago and during the move threw stuff in the trunk of the car. Last spring I even changed cars and faithfully had the dealership switch the boxes into the trunk of the new car. How often do I open my trunk? Maybe a couple of times a month, but I'm usually focused on putting in or taking out something new that has found a place there with no problem. Maybe this fall I'll get around to checking out those boxes still in the back.

Or, maybe not.

Marilyn

Old fashioned safety first

Long before stranger danger, lock-key kids and the phrase 'street savvy,' youngsters learned how to be safe. While today's kids have lockdowns to practice for the awful things we've seen happen, back in my day we practiced for when Russia dropped a nuclear bomb on Buffalo. We went under our desks and ducked our heads or sat along the walls in the hallways.

We were taught to walk carefully. "Single file, Indian style, facing traffic all the while" is a refrain from early days of kindergarten. I was quite proud in sixth grade to be one of a few selected to be a crossing guard. When it was our turn (I think we rotated weeks), we wore a dirty white canvas belt and sash combination on which was pinned a badge. We stood on street corners and put out our arms to stop students from crossing until the traffic was clear. As I look back, I think we were positioned at stop signs and street lights, so our role was superfluously symbolic to reinforce what was already in place. 

We went door to door by ourselves to collect for Unicef or sell cookies and alone or in groups to trick or treat. No one was worried about razor blades or Rottweilers or the dark side of 'do you know the muffin man?'

In the bathroom we were taught to carefully pull 4 sheets of toilet paper from the old single sheet dispenser and place them around the toilet seat to be safe from germs. Before bactine, we dabbed Iodine on the most severe cuts and mercurochrome on scrapes. Scouts learned to bandage and ways to assist the injured in order to earn badges. 

Safe sex education was up to the parents. When I was eleven I came home after a bike ride with a friend who had an older sister. I told my mother that my friend had told me that when we turned twelve we would suddenly start to bleed. My mother simply shook her head, a symbol that we were not going to talk about it. The following week she took me to a woman doctor who was a member of our church but whom I had never really met. The doctor murmured, drew pictures on a blackboard and reminded me that my body was a temple of the Holy Spirit. I had no clue what she was talking about. When I went out to the car where my mother was waiting, I got in and shut the door, and she said, "Well, now you know."

In high school we spent two weeks in our physical education class on ways to fight off an attacker. We became quite adapt at dealing with a right handed attacker who grabbed our right lapel. One reason loafers were popular shoes was you could be stylish while having a dime for that emergency phone call. 

I was reminded of all that nostalgia this week when I heard the story on the news of the family with children who experienced an armed break in. I wish today's youngsters could enjoy some of the naive safety as was the norm in my time; however, they need to be aware at a much earlier age of the evils that have always been around but now live more in the light. And, for those close to my age, we know that some of those norms weren't wise or healthy, but many of the above memories make me smile.

Marilyn

What matters

When you are seven years old and you don't get the one birthday present you secretly wanted, it matters. When you are fourteen and everyone else has pierced ears but your parents say you have to wait until you are sixteen, it matters. When you don't get accepted at your number one college choice, your life takes a turn.

These days what matters to me is getting value in what I spend, be it time, energy or money. If I start a book and the words on the page or the voice on the tape doesn't grab me fairly quickly, I pick up another read or eject the CD. I used to feel I needed to plod through. If the acting is awful or the plot unconvincing or the dialogue doesn't make me at least smile, I change channels. I used to give more pilots a chance.

A friend and I were at dinner the other night at a favorite restaurant. Since my last visit the menu had changed. Prices were higher and the selections seemed more limited. My meal was mediocre and lukewarm. When so advised our server at least offered alternatives. Out of loyalty I will go there one more time. Loyalty matters. Up to a point.

Also important to me are deepening relationships with dear friends even as I make room for new ones. Spending time with people who matter matters. Having a balance of time with others and time alone matters because that keeps me balanced. As does time in nature.

There are times in our lives when ambition matters, having certain things matter or even knowing the right people matter. I think I've packed those things away in order to focus on the last two thing that matter to me that I will log here. The first is the need to keep learning. Whether it is a new card game or software or form of art, I will keep trying to conquer new skills and go to new places. I don't know how much travel will be part of my life in years to come. Certainly not what I had once envisioned, but experiencing new peoples and places is high on my list of lifelong learning, even if it be through exhibits at a museum.

Finally what matters to me is the ability to be surprised. Sometimes I am surprised by joy and delight; sometimes I shake my head at the stupidity or the waste even as I'm glad that my heart isn't hardened or my outlook so cynical that I always expect the worst.

I'm sure that in narrowing down what matters to me in the paragraphs above that I have missed a key thing or two. So, one last thing. It matters to me that you point out what they are.

Marilyn

Things I'm trying to accept

• There will always be a smidgen of discomfort when ignoring someone with a homeless sign.
• That the above is not necessarily a bad thing.
• My timetable does not rule the world.
• It really is human nature to look at things on the side of the road, be it the accident or a memorial of that event.
• Some people believe that a cell phone is welcome anywhere.
• Some of those above also believe they have a right to use it whenever and wherever and that a disapproving look from me is meaningless.
• Everything is much more immediate than even a decade ago.
• It's ok to not multitask.
• It's important to not multitask most of the time.
• People who are passive aggressive also have to be right.
• It's no use debating with the above.
• My body is as old as I feel. 
• On days when my spirit seems much younger than my body, I can be more active. 
• On days when I'm feeling every one of my chronological years I feel limited.
• The above being said, some days by body tells me I am getting older while my spirit tells me it is feeling brighter.
• It is ok to be envious of a dear friend's good fortune.
• Just because I have some wisdom that comes with age doesn't mean such wisdom is welcome.
• Christmas holiday movies are going to start on the Hallmark Channel on Halloween.
• The election is still fourteen months away.
• The election is still fourteen months away and in order to be an informed voter I need to pay at least some attention now.
• Not everyone calls the writing of a list creative writing.
• That's their problem.

Marilyn