Fitting in or Flitting In . . . and Out

Several weeks ago in the post, Will You Be My Guest?, I invited readers to take a chance to write a blog.  Please welcome the first!  Today's guest blogger is someone who has spent a lifetime enjoying words and having to use them carefully in social justice initiatives around the world.  She and Marilyn met nearly 20 years ago during a time of transition in both of their lives and her musing today is a result of some reflections as she experiences another one of life's major changes.

 

 

Some of us spend much of our lives trying to "fit in"-- at a new school or job, in a new neighborgood, or with new friends and family members.   When in that process do we know we have arrived?  What signals a "good fit?"  It can be agony trying to fit in, trying to find some sense of balance, comfort and nurture.

 

I've always assumed (even socialized to believe) that the "fitter" was the norm.  Someone who could put down roots, make deep friendships, commit to a meaningful job and family.   But what if being a "flitter" is just as valuable and as much of a gift?   What if moving among people and in places you love, so that you don't have to give up precious moments in special places with friends and family members who are significant to you, is just as valuable?

 

I've only lived in a few places in my lifetime, for long periods, with commitments to people and place and work, but also manage to "flit" around to be with people left behind in one of those periods, who still have a piece of my heart or  are connected by blood, even in far off countries.   So does that make me a "Fit Flittler?"   By some standards, it makes me an outsider, perceived by some as unable to totally settle.

 

Who's to say that restlessness, fueled by curiousity and a sense of adventure isn't a gift as well?  It might be time to let the criticism roll off and move into the expansiveness provided by flitting. .   My regard for people who  stay put and root and nurture those around them is great, so there will always be that little sense of envy . . and guilt. 

 

How about you?  Ae you a Fitter or a Flitter?  Which one suits your life and personality and spirit?

 

 

Fan Club

It’s one of those times of year when a local PBS stations is doing a fundraiser.  That means the schedule has shifted to those musical specials to entertain and encourage donations from viewers. When I was channel surfing the other day I caught an intermission from a show dedicated to groups of the 60s.  The broadcasters were talking about how so many of those bands and singers had a record number of fans and fan clubs.

I don’t say this often enough – I’m a member of your fan club.

I think you’re terrific.  You are great at what you do and at being who you are.

And because this is a fan club made up of people who actually know or have known you and not one of those clubs of anonymous admirers, I also know you have insecurities, faults, have made mistakes, and even have failed at something.  That’s ok. This fan doesn’t hold you to any higher human standard than she holds herself. I’ve admired how you’ve ultimately triumphed over hard times.  My life is enriched because you have been or are in it.

Know that I’m in your corner, and I believe that whatever life throws at you today, you can handle.  Maybe not easily, but as well as you can.  Beautifully.  Graciously.

So, this fan encourages you to go out there today and be your best true self. 

Marilyn

Really, that’s it this week. 

Well, if the words and the genuine feelings behind them made you smile, maybe you’d like to forward those to someone in your life.  Just a suggestion from a true fan.

The Real Thing

It was a pleasant summer evening.  We’d put together a potluck picnic, lugged our chairs, and found a comfortable spot.  If we closed our eyes, forgot the setting, and only concentrated on what we heard, we could believe we were at a Neil Diamond concert. The local entertainers, Denny Diamond Trio, were very good imitators.  This got me thinking about the real thing, good substitutes, and when and how we settle for imitation.

One of the residual benefits of Thanksgiving is a great turkey sandwich, because the rest of the year what we get in most restaurants involves a processed product.  From Spam® to diet drinks, grocery shelves are full of imitation flavors and merchandise.  Corporate marketing campaigns try to convince us they are more than just viable alternatives, they are just as good.  Why, they even blatantly named something “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter®.”  Polyester and many new fibers are great for easy care clothes, but they don’t breathe like linen or cotton. 

There is a price to pay for imitation.  I wonder what those performers have to pay annually in royalties for permission to use the Diamond brand and music.  Knock-offs cost designers not only dollars but tarnish their reputation.  Fake leather does not have the distinctive smell or feel of a properly tanned skin and fake fur can be obvious.  For those consumers whose issue is not the price of real leather or fur but the principle, they believe humanity pays a different kind of cost. News stories and novels show us it’s not too hard to find where and how to get papers to change your identity or pieces of it.   When I only read the headlines so have no sense of the depth and breadth of important issues of global realities, I become less of a citizen.

Sometimes the price is disappointment.  You’ve probably had an experience where hype so built up your expectations that the reality had you saying “is that all there is?” or “what’s the big deal?” In looking for connection or love we stay in a relationship trying to make it work, have it be the real thing, rather than accepting it is only a shadow of what we truly want or even deserve.  In our hectic phases, we can get caught up in the thinking that ‘my real life will happen – someday.’ Often that means when something else, such as college, an internship, the weight loss regimen, is over, and meanwhile, we continue on in a dreary but comfortable job, home, friendship, lifestyle, and watch the days, weeks, and months go by.  Albert Einstein said, “Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one,” so whether it is false nails or a comb-over, when we try to hang on to or boost up an image of ourselves, our truths are still there underneath.

All of this to say that sometimes it’s good to assess our current situations.  From closet to kitchen, from workplace to recreation, are we living an imitation of the life we want or facing and enjoying our many realities? 

Marilyn

Did you ever read about a frog who dreamed of bein' a king and then became one?
Well except for the names and a few other changes, if you talk about me the story's the same one.

… Neil Diamond, “I am"... I said

Unfinished Projects

If you’re like me there is something in your home that you have yet to finish.  Whether it’s tucked away in a closet or drawer or out in plain sight, somehow it doesn’t make it to the to-do list.  Six months after my move I still have a picture leaning against the wall in the living room rather than hanging on a hook.  Far across from it is my newest art piece, a mosaic birdhouse I made two weeks ago.  It requires the last step, grouting.  The bag of grout is in my catch all bowl on the kitchen counter at the other end of the house.  Part of me looks at it and thinks it is fine as it is.

French author Andre Gide wrote, “In hell there is no other punishment than to begin over and over all the tasks you left unfinished in your lifetime.”   I think that includes all of the good intentions, all of the ‘could haves.’   On the other hand, English poet Christina Rossetti counters with, “Can anything be sadder than work yet unfinished?  Yes, work never begun.”

So, I’ve just pulled out a couple of ‘thinking of you’ cards that are overdue to be sent, saved another document for a potential blog idea that just didn’t work for today, and made a date with a friend I haven’t seen in a long time.  The picture still sits in its temporary place, but I bought household gloves with which I’ll apply the grout.  When I get around to it.

Let me know if you get inspired to work on an unfinished project.

Marilyn