If Only

It all started last weekend during an early morning walk out at the Morton Arboretum. I had just hit a nice stride when a chipmunk emerged from the bushes. Instead of behaving as chipmunks usually do and scurrying across the path, it sat on the sidewalk. I stopped to watch it as it watched me. Apparently it was convinced it was safe and returned to the underbrush. I resumed my walk.

My next encounter was with a squirrel sitting on the back of a wooden bench thoroughly enjoying a snack. It looked like a buckeye that it revolved in its front paws as it gnawed away, dropping crumbs with each nibble. I edged forward, but it took no notice of me so I got within five feet and observed for several minutes as he enjoyed his breakfast. Finally a young couple came along and saw me smiling, standing and watching. While they, too, stopped, I guess an audience of three was too intimidating and our friend leapt off the bench and ran about ten feet away. We humans commented on the nature of squirrels and continued down the sidewalk.

On a more deserted path I heard a cardinal and stopped to see if I could find it in all the lush foliage. He flew to a low branch and continued his song, sitting for a long time in plain and fairly close view on a leafy branch with blue sky in the background.

In each of those wonderful instances I thought, if only I had my camera.

It got me thinking about how many times in a week ‘if only’ might cross my mind and I decided to keep track. See if you can identify with any of the following. If only I had:

• Known the roads were being repaved
• Brought my library books with me
• Closed the window when the wind picked up
• Not wasted the last hour watching that stupid program
• Worn the other outfit

This list of daily ‘if onlys’ covers mildly frustrating or maybe embarrassing situations. There are other ‘if onlys’ in our lives. There are fantasy ones (if only I were tall and willowy/ had bought Microsoft stock), but regret ‘if onlys’ seem to be the biggest for me (we had ended that relationship on a different note, I had/hadn’t said…). I think all of these are universals and would be common ground if we ever got around to talking about such things. Others that we all have include if only: everyone thought more like me, cars and computers just worked like they are supposed to, and someone had a real answer to the problem areas around the world.

For most of us, this is where the ‘if onlys’ end. Unfortunately, there are those whose list includes: I had a bigger bomb, gun, or more power. These also may be people who go out and find ways to get such ‘if onlys.’ Then, once it is in their possession, they do something horrific with it.

You see it is not such a long leap from my wish for a camera last weekend to the revenge we read in the headlines. If only we had more understanding and an answer to that.

Marilyn

Will You Accept the Charges?

“We have a collect call from Marilyn. Will you accept the charges?”  So began a common routine used when phone booths were prevalent. Every Sunday night young women gathered in our wing of the dorm because that’s where the payphone was. The most popular method of calling home was “Operator, I’d like to place a collect call.” Parents declined the charges, hung up, and dialed the number in the phone booth direct and then both parties settled in for a long, much cheaper chat.  Some called every week while others were on a more limited budget. Calls were always after 7pm when the rates were lower.

When I was on the speech circuit for Illinois Bell in the 1970s, I talked about AT&T’s goal to have a phone in every home in the U.S and that we were almost there. I recently heard that 41% of the population no longer has a landline.  Bell Labs worked hard to introduce a PicturePhone. It was very expensive and never caught on for either home or office use, but now skype is free and common. Phone numbers started with words like Hudson, Parkside, Humboldt. I read that it is possible babies will be assigned a phone number that will last their lifetime.

It was the Microsoft announcement of up to 18,000 layoffs that got me thinking about the changes in our communications norms and the status of major corporations. Before answering machines there were unanswered telephones. In the days of rotary dial, the closest thing to a conference call was a party line and call waiting was someone standing by to use the phone next. Now we expect an immediate response to a text or email.  While science itself and science fiction predicted some of the technology advances we have experienced, I truly wonder about what comes next and what we won’t be able to live without 10 years from now and what industry leaders we will be watching.

Marilyn

See ya' later, alligator

My parents were from the twenty-three skidoo generation, a phrase that according to Wikipedia, became the first national slang fad. Since WWI there have been hundreds, if not thousands, of ways we’ve had to express ourselves while reflecting the trends of the day. The shelf life of some phrases is short (Far Out!) while others are here to stay (Cool It!). It is not surprising that most come through media (Catch you on the Flip Side) and entertainment (May the Force be with you) rather than something grassroots (What a blast!). Each can represent a time and become a label (baby boomers), a fad (disco), or a product (Mmm, Mmm, Good). Politics plays a role (Hey, hey, LBJ, how many kids did you kill today?) and whole eras get defined (Make love, not war). Some get put to music (Groovy) or a piece of music defines it (Bad).

It isn’t surprising to learn that religion contributes. “Jeez Louise!” comes out of my mouth easily. The other day I wondered for the first time how that phrase originated and learned that it is slang for Jesus’ name with a little rhyme thrown in. When we were young saying, “h-e-double hockey sticks” made us laugh and feel as though we were getting away with a cuss word. Today four letter words once meant to shock are common – still not necessarily accepted or acceptable, but common. Blimey, I got sidetracked there for a minute, but, in for a penny, ‘damn’ probably entered everyday language after Gone with the Wind. Think about the various slang associated with race, gender, and sexual orientation and you’ll realize some of the significant evolutions in your lifetime.

There is a lot of slang today that I’ve never heard and wouldn’t understand, but we’ve come a long way since twenty-three skidoo gave people a popular way to indicate they were leaving quickly or gettin’ out while the getting’s good. Now popular phrases get abbreviated (LOL) for quick and easy communication. What phrases do you fondly remember or enjoy using? Me? I’m from a laid back generation and it takes time to get around to ‘after while, crocodile!’

Marilyn

Things We Do Without Thinking

We save energy every day doing many things by rote.  From flushing the toilet to locking the door, much of our life is routine that we can do on autopilot. If I asked you what foot you put forward to go down the stairs, would you be able to answer definitively? Probably not, but you do it confidently without a second thought. A daily or familiar commute becomes so habitual that we can arrive at our destination not fully aware of how we got there. There are so many demands on our time and attention that we are thankful for the thoughtless tasks that provide a comforting routine.

Yesterday’s inspirational reading included the passage: “I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it. I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.”

I could identify with that, for some of the bad that I do is purely from habit and habits, despite desire, are very hard to change.  Some of those habits are things I do by rote. I think that we, as a people, also identify with those words.  We have allowed some disturbing norms to creep into our society, norms that have enabled us to do things such as walk past a homeless person as though they are invisible. These are not necessarily the actions we might truly want, but something has gone wrong deep within our society and it is getting the better of us.

The complex issues of economic and social equity seem to live in a no man’s land in between the two political parties. Unfortunately there is not one magic cure for all of the ills in the headlines. I don’t believe stopping busses is the answer but I don’t know what is. I do know that when something happens to challenge common chores in our own lives, say a temporary injury or even the aging process, we make necessary adjustments until new habits become comfortable and our new norm. I’m going to pick one of the challenging problems from the list of poverty, illiteracy, homelessness, violence, and injustice, and think about my current rote response and what small action I might take. I’ll see if I can follow through so that perhaps one day, that positive action will become one that I make without thinking.

Marilyn