The New Year: In Others' Words

Ring out the old, ring in the new,Ring happy bells, across the snow:The year is going, let him go;Ring out the false, ring in the true. 

…Alfred Lord Tennyson, poet

People wiser than me have drafted resolutions for and reflections on the turn of the page that signifies the transition from one year to the next.  Perhaps some of their words will be helpful to you as you ponder your own hopes and dreams for 2014.

• Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.  Ralph Waldo Emerson, essayist
• Your success and happiness lies in you.  Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.  Helen Keller, activist 
• Let our New Year’s Resolution be this: we will be there for one another as fellow members of humanity, in the finest sense of the word.  Goran Persson, politician
• For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning. T.S. Eliot, playwright
• Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions.  Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.  Mark Twain, humorist
• I make no resolutions for the New Year.  The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life is too much of a daily event for me.  Anaïs Nin, author
• You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.  C.S. Lewis, theologian 
• Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.  Steve Jobs, CEO
• The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.  Eleanor Roosevelt, columnist
• Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined. Henry David Thoreau, naturalist
• Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.  Winston Churchill, Prime Minister

  
• Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man.  Benjamin Franklin, inventor 

Wishing you a peaceful, prosperous, and healthy New Year!

Marilyn

Don't Go to Abilene

Nearly twenty years ago I tried an experiment.  I saved all of my holiday cards and opened them on Christmas morning.  The idea evolved out of the changes within my circle of friends and family when we started shifting from the tradition of gift-giving to doing something special together during the year.  As much as I agreed with abandoning the excesses of the 1980s, I worried about how I might feel with no presents to actually open on Christmas, and that’s when I came up with the idea to hold the mail. 

So, on daybreak of that December the 25^th, I curled up with Kimberly Katt (Millie’s predecessor), a cup of coffee, and a pile of news and wishes and pretty scenes.  Carols were playing in the background.  The hugs and greetings across the miles were better than any stack of boxes.  So, while there have been a couple of instances where I’ve missed an invitation or been a little late in sending off congratulations based on what was in a card, the experiment has become my tradition.

I’ve observed that some folks are struggling with traditions this season:

*        Some aren’t feeling up to the old traditions, whether it’s baking the cookies or decorating the tree.  That’s ok.  Take a year off.  See if you miss it or how you feel about it next year.

*        Some like me are in a new home.  Everything may not fit or you may need more decorations, but a move helps sort treasures from the ‘stuff.’

*        Some are in a new relationship or a new phase.  From baby’s first Christmas to a first holiday alone to hosting aging relatives, take heart in the fact that there are no rights or wrongs, only memories to make or cherish.

There is a Harvard study about a family’s trip to Abilene that is used in an organizational development process.  The gist of it is that early one pleasant afternoon as a family sat around on their front porch, someone floated the idea of a Sunday drive to Abilene.  The next thing everyone knew they were piled in the car for the hot ride.  Hours later when they returned home, exhausted, it finally was revealed that no one had really wanted to go – everyone thought they were the odd person out with no desire to make the trip.

Traditions matter.  But every so often they need to be examined to ensure they are still relevant.  So, this season share the origin of one of your traditions with a friend or around the family table.  Is it still working for you, connecting you to your past, fostering your present, or offering meaning to the future?  Does it need to be tweaked or even abandoned?  Make sure you are honoring the tradition’s meaning and not traveling to Abilene.

Have a blessed holiday,

Marilyn

Santa and the Tree

When I was four Santa brought not only the presents but also the tree.  And then he stayed and decorated it!  When I came downstairs that Christmas morning, the grown-ups waiting to watch my amazement and wonder at the transformation of the living room included my parents, grandma and her cousin Jenny, and Aunt Dorothy and Uncle Bob.  I hope that my reactions met their expectations.   My only memory of the day is my mother saying, “Santa only does this once for every child.”

By the following Christmas, the year I got my Annie Oakley outfit and a Japanese doll sent by my brother who was stationed there, things had changed.  A kindergarten classmate had spent her minute at Show & Tell really telling.  By the next year Grandma was gone, my brother was married and living in DC, and I was old enough to begin to understand and look forward to some traditions.

Four has got to be the perfect age for the magic of the season.  As an adult I can appreciate all of the work that went into that one evening, as the family lovingly created a corner of wonder for a child.  I hope there was laughter amid the stress of “more lights on top” or “too many red ornaments together,” that music was playing, and that those elves retained fond memories of that holiday night.

My four-year-old self remembers one other thing about Christmas that year.  The anticipation.  There is no picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap, but there is this, the picture of me that Christmas Eve, innocence, ready for bed and looking forward to the surprises ahead.  This season may we all find that piece of ourselves that can relate to wonder.  Whether for you the surprise is the babe in the manger, the need is the promise of a fresh start in a New Year, or you enjoy the camaraderie of peace on earth symbolized by time with relatives rarely seen, I hope you are able to approach the end of 2013 with a childlike view in some parts of your life.  

You may be amazed at what that child truly finds.

Marilyn

When Words Lose Their Meaning

Author John Updike wrote, “Our brains are no longer conditioned for reverence and awe.”  I wonder if that is because for most of our waking moments we are bombarded with words.   The invasion is constant. The content consists of diverse and divergent images and marketed and imposed feelings.  I think we’ve become immune to some words’ intended impact and meaning.

As an author I love words.  I love learning new things about words.  Did you know that a flock of buzzards is called a ‘wake,’ a group of eagles is a ‘convocation,’ and a gathering of wrens is a ‘chime?’  I relish joyful situations where ‘words are not enough’ and grieve those circumstances when ‘there are no words.’  We all chuckle at some Old English, wonder what Shakespeare really meant, and marvel at poets whose concise language evokes intense images and feelings.  I cringe with misuse, shake my head at the ‘word of the year, and wonder what Daniel Webster would do with some modern language. 

Three things converged to raise this issue.  I just spent a week with someone who continually used ‘awesome,’ a word that has evolved from its original use of ‘causing feelings of wonder and fear with a sense of reverence’ s far back as the 1500s, to being slang for ‘excellent.’ 

The second thing is that the world lost an awe-inspiring leader this week.  To call Nelson Mandela awesome is appropriate, and, I will grant that even today’s definition of excellence applies; however, the overuse of the word makes it inadequate and I long to use it in his memory. 

Finally, this is a time of year when I think the original meaning and modern definition are both called for.  Hanukkah and Christmas are seasons of miracles.  I’m hoping for the miracle of good will from all to all around the globe.  Now, wouldn’t that be truly awesome?

Marilyn

Football and Charlotte's Web

On a recent business trip my choices for dinner were limited.  The hotel shuttle would take me to any of the few places on the Island that were open and the driver recommended a local grill for good burgers or seafood.  That’s how I ended up in a sports bar on a busy Saturday night, extra busy because the local team was playing.  As I sat alone watching the activity projected on the 10 screens visible from my vantage point indoors and listened to the enthusiastic fans all around me, I thought about the first time I ever ate alone in a restaurant.   It, too, was a Saturday, but I went out for breakfast since that was the suggestion in one book on being an independent successful woman. 

Now, this was 40 years ago, a time when going out to eat as a form of entertainment and connection (“let’s do coffee”) was just becoming a norm, and the National Organization for Women wasn’t even a decade old.  After parking my blue bug (nicknamed Sapphire) down the block, I confidently walked into Tiffany’s, a restaurant on Park Boulevard in Glen Ellyn.  When the hostess asked, “How many?” I croaked out, “One.” 

I had picked that place because several coworkers and I went there frequently for lunch so I was familiar with the layout, atmosphere, and menu.  I followed the hostess to my table for two, one of four tables for two lined up by the front window.  First dilemma – do I sit facing the interior of the restaurant or look outside?  Either way, everyone, of course, will be looking at me sitting alone.  Do I want pitiful fleeting glances from those walking by or constant stares from fellow diners?  I actually opted for facing in, sat, and she took away the other place setting, the true symbol that I was alone.  

The second dilemma came after ordering the French toast.  I had brought a book, which was another suggestion from the authority on dining out.  Well, I discovered that small tables for two are not really conducive to reading, so there I was with my prop and no way to use it.  I put it on the table across from me so it was still my companion.  I felt awkward but I made it through the meal listening to the conversation of the two guys next to me who were planning a camping trip and thinking about how walking into and sitting alone here was so different than at school or college. 

Since then I’ve eaten alone at hundreds of restaurants around the globe and mostly enjoyed those times.  But I had to make that first uncomfortable step.  For those of a younger generation, I hope you understand what a big deal that actually was for me and also that it was symbolic of one small freedom women were struggling for.  I’m sure guys can feel out of place in the same situation and I don’t mean to minimize anyone’s break out behavior, but society – then and in some cases even now – frowned on a woman dining alone.

Anyway, back to the title of this musing.  On nine of the 10 screens in the sports bar I was in last month there were several games of football being broadcast, but on the tenth one, way at the end of the bar, there played the movie Charlotte’s Web.  I found it all comfortable and charming.

Marilyn