When the time comes

One of my responsibilities at the office is our Business Continuity and Disaster Recovery Plan. Reviewing it periodically forces me to think about all the scenarios for which we need to be prepared. I’ve written procedures for preventative measures to either eliminate or minimize the possibility of their occurrence and make us better able to cope should they happen. Headlines reinforce the necessity to have such plans in place, so, if and when the time comes, people follow practiced protocols.

There are many personal situations, both good and bad, for which we want to be prepared so that, when the time comes, we will know what to do, what to say. A father hoping for some words of wisdom to whisper as he waits to walk his daughter down the aisle. The welcome to a newborn. Final words to someone who is dying, or when it is us ready to breathe our last, what we might say to those standing with us at our end. 

What I’ve learned is that, once all the practicalities are handled, there are only two important things in those moments. The first is to actually be in that moment and the second is to allow for human frailty for everyone involved, including myself. These things are not easy. I still have a hard time staying in the moment, not looking back at what could have been different or ahead at what I could do to help or fix it. I’ve gotten a little better at trying to figure out what the person might want or need and following that rather than what would either work for me or make me feel better. I hope, when the time comes, and I am the recipient of praise or reprimand, or when I am in need of comfort or sharing a joy, that I remember to frame the situation with grace, for, when the time comes, everyone simply tries to do their best. 

Marilyn

Your choice

People ask where I get my ideas for these musings. Sometimes it is something I see during the week or a phrase I hear that triggers a “hmmm, that could develop into three paragraphs.” On rare occasions, the pieces write themselves, but mostly, I’m surprised where things end up or how a promising idea goes nowhere beyond a couple of sentences. Usually there are too many possibilities. Consider the headlines. From marches and pink hats to an infant named for a city (hey, it could have been Walla Walla), the material is ripe.

So, this week, I thought I’d give you a glimpse into some of the stops and starts that lead to a weekly column. Following are five opening thoughts I had for today’s blog. Select the one that triggers that “hmmm” and just see where your mind goes for 10 seconds.

• Women are gathering, as they did a year ago, to stand together.
• Harbingers of spring popped up all around today
• A milestone is a stone pillar at the side of the road that signifies the distance to a place, a very literal thing but whose meaning evolved.
• Learning to simply say thank you is hard.
• Take a class on writing headlines and, nine times out of ten, they will tell you to include a number. 

If you did the 10 second, “hmmm” on one of those topics, you’ve experienced a lot of what my weekly attempt at sharing some thoughts with you is like. Either a couple of things came to mind and you wonder how they might fit together, or your mind went blank. Now, isn’t that how a lot of life works on a daily basis, and who knew that’s where this final sentence would go? 

Marilyn

Job descriptions

We are wrapping up an interesting exercise at the office where we have each rewritten our job description. The process included input from peers, bosses, and direct reports. We identified tasks currently charged to us that we believe belong elsewhere in the organization as well as overlaps and gaps, issues that will generate thoughtful negotiations. It will be someone’s job (possibly mine) to recreate this exercise periodically to ensure that work flows and changes in the marketplace and the organization are incorporated so that all job descriptions remain relevant and current.

Wouldn’t it be helpful if all the roles in our lives came with job descriptions? And if we had to occasionally review them? For parents, partners, colleagues, friends, lovers to intentionally discuss who does what, plus the why and how? As children grow, as parents age, as circumstances change, to revisit expectations? As relationships deepen and broaden, such reviews may happen organically. But, it sure is easy to get in a rut and not allow dynamics to shift, or the people involved to evolve, or to get hung up on semantics, for I recall times in my career when title and positions on org charts mattered.

Perhaps more important, particularly after the headlines this week, would be for us to examine our collective job description as decent human beings. To have those hard discussions about how we deal with the marginalized. About the language we use to address one another. About the issue of power. And for each of us to prioritize how we utilize resources to reflect that job description, for this is the job for which we will be held most accountable. If we want our legacy to be a job well done, the process starts with a detailed job description focused on equity and equality.

Marilyn

The walls come tumbling down

This may be radical, but I’m for building more walls. I’ve done no research, so am just using my logic, but I think the original purpose of a wall was to support a roof that protected our ancestors from the elements. They were duplicating a cave. I imagine they started with a lean-to, and worked up to three walls. Then they figured out a rock or animal skin could cover a doorway in the fourth, making things nice and cozy.

So, from my analysis, let us indeed build walls in Mexico City, Houston, Puerto Rico, California, in war torn places around the globe, and for the homeless. Maybe if we work together to provide our fellow human beings with protection from the elements, we will tear down the walls of we vs. them. Maybe we will realize that even though we may work hard, our own walls are all fleeting. Perhaps by building walls, walls may come tumbling down.

Marilyn

Minimum daily requirements

What are your minimum daily requirements? I’m not talking about the label on vitamin bottles or the balanced diets nutritionists publish. I mean, what do you need every day in order to have a (fill in the blank) life? The adjective for that blank periodically changes, but some possibilities are: fulfilling, meaningful, enjoyable, safe, calm, productive, or secure. Decide what kind of life you want and then what do you need every day in order to have that?

This seems like a simple exercise, but as I thought about it for me, I ended up with a long list. When I examined the list, there were intangibles, things like silence and words. I saw contradictions, like routine and adventure, and lots of things I should be, such as aware or open. It was when I looked for any commonalities among all the elements that I had an aha moment that provided an umbrella under which most of my list fit. My minimum daily requirement is connection.

Through silence I connect with something bigger than myself and often with my deeper self; through words I connect with others. Routines ground me and adventures, whether a trip to the Morton Arboretum or Grand Canyon, expand me. I don’t think it’s a stretch to label those connections. They connect me to a past, one that developed the routine, and to a need to periodically break away from that. Being aware connects me to the moment and provides an opportunity to learn, grow or change plus I might connect with someone or something.

As today we turn the page and welcome a new year, think about your minimum daily requirements and join me in finding simple ways to ensure we get them. We’ll all be better for that in what looks to be another challenging 365 days.

Happy 2018!

Marilyn