It seems unlikely

We are entering a season of unlikelys. For those who believe in the Jesus story of Christmas, an unlikely teenage girl had an unlikely visitor who told her of an unlikely happening. Hanukkah marks the story of the unlikely eight days of candlelight with only a one-day supply. Finally, how likely is it that one saint can circumnavigate the globe and find every home where there is a child?

All of this we anticipate after two other recent unlikelys. A City in desperate need of good news and camaraderie celebrated a so long wished for unlikely ending of a 108 year old curse. A disturbing, tiring and unlikely election has highlighted the multitude of divisions and differences in our country instead of asking us to look for what we have in common.

It is unlikely that the complex problems we face today on every front will have easy solutions. Many children will spend this Christmas in poverty, in refugee camps, in fear. Many families will continue to scramble to make ends meet even as they light their menorah. Letters that plead for unlikely presents will be sent to Santa. Think of any area of your own life or our society, and I'll bet you would be able to complete the sentence, "It seems unlikely that..."

But, we will sing the familiar tunes, give and receive gifts and hugs, drop a dollar in a red kettle, wear red and green and blue. We will take comfort in the familiar as we listen to the unlikely stories of this season. We will recognize that the unlikely girl did not balk at the unlikely story and responded in the affirmative. We will honor the rededication of the temple with a festival of lights. We will celebrate a saint who has morphed into someone who represents a spirit of giving. 

Miracles, all. 

Let's look for the unlikely in our own lives this coming month. And, let's be someone else's unlikely small miracle. Whether it's shoveling snow off a neighbor's sidewalk, sending a note to someone who is homebound or building a bridge to an estranged family member, each small gesture contributes toward the unlikely day when the lion will lie down with the lamb. It seems unlikely, but I believe that can happen.

Marilyn

When the words don't come

According to some studies, the second most common fear is of public speaking, ranking just behind the fear of flying. What can make us nervous, beyond hundreds of eyes on us, is the thought of getting tongue-tied. Whether it is a piece we've memorized or words on a paper in front of us, we know that things can go wrong and we can end up feeling foolish and embarrassed. Even the suggestion of picturing the people in the audience in their underwear doesn't minimize the panic that the words won’t come.

Most of us are not called upon very often to be at a podium. It's in our one-on-one daily dealings when we can struggle to string together the right words. Whether spoken or written, we can stumble trying to say what we want to say. Words of comfort. Words of guidance. Words of encouragement.

The last few years many of us have added the phrase "senior moment" to our conversation, sometimes to cover when the word we are thinking of or someone’s name just isn't at our fingertips. We know it's there, on the tip of our tongue, but remains elusive for a few moments or throughout the conversation. While such experiences can be a precursor to dementia, mostly it's the stress of our lives and pressure we put on ourselves that makes words and names elusive. Hours later we think of the perfect comeback, a great punchline, a main point we forgot to make, or the name. I try to give myself grace in these circumstances and not beat myself up or get further stressed, and hope you do also.

When I have writer's block, like for this musing or the hardest for me – sympathy cards and performance reviews – I find many errands or tasks that are absolutely necessary distractions. Then, when I return to the keyboard, I can end up going off on many tangents. Some can turn out to be more interesting than where I started and are fodder for future writings. At some point something clicks and the words do come, or I try certain exercises, or I realize I've said all there is to say….

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, forget what you did, but will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

Marilyn

E-signs

Sometimes I take Madison Ave. to work. It's a four lane highway and a straight shot into the West Loop. A left turn onto Ogden and another left onto Randolph and I'm at the office. I drive through neighborhoods that have struggled for decades and ones experiencing gentrification. I go past the United Center with statues of Michael Jordan and Bobby Hull. There are hospitals to my right and townhomes to the left. Recently I started paying attention to signs and billboards, particularly when the first word started with the letter E. I found such signs fell into two categories: things I was offered and things I should do.

Express was the word that actually started this line of thinking. The sign for Express Beauty made me chuckle since, in my opinion, true beauty takes decades and doesn't come in a jar or in minutes. In fact, the only express beauty I know is out in nature when I see the sun rise or set over the horizon or a rainbow appears. A couple miles down the road I’m offered Express Liquors. Again, I'm out of sync, for even with the little imbibing that I do, I know spirits are something to be savored, not gulped, even if you can purchase them quickly. Besides those express things, along the way I can choose Economy parking or an Exclusive cellular experience.

During recent weeks signs on this route encouraged me to Elect certain candidates (mostly Danny Davis who was in no danger of losing). If we exclude those signs, I am exhorted to Educate, Evangelize and Enhance. No surprise that Educate is on a sign for a day care center and Evangelize, a storefront church, but it's my nails I'm supposed to Enhance.

Just two weeks ago billboards were euphoric as we reveled in a Cubs win that brought people together, had strangers celebrating and singing in the el cars. Now we need signs to inspire us to be Energized as we prepare for an Ending. Luckily, with an ending, we can mold a beginning. Every day we can get up, put one foot in front of the other. We can find the energy to Engage, one on one, and work for change. We will Endure.

Marilyn

Woulda, coulda, shoulda

As the analysts - professional and armchair - rehash the events and feelings that got us here as a nation, I have to do my own reflections and take some of the blame for the outcome of the election. At no point this year did I write a check or volunteer, and worse, at no point did I even try to engage with anyone outside of my comfortable circle who mostly share a similar world and social view. I'll admit I also mostly tuned out because I had enough stress in my life and didn't want to deal with the hate and fear that the headlines touted. Besides, I was confident in an American people who saw through rhetoric and who truly, at their core, believed in equality for all. I went to bed last night when the map was mostly red, confident that it would be different in the morning. I didn't know how out of touch I was.

Now that I do know, the question for today is, what do I do about that?

Now, in the shock and grief and sadness, I want to: 

• Thank Hillary and tell her to not beat herself up.
• Thank all those who did work hard on my behalf and in my stead.
• Not be bitter.
• Not listen to analysts, just let this election be done and turn the page.
• Burrow deeper into my own world.

Yes, that last one is true. But, it's not the answer. Instead I will use this wakeup call that reminded us that feelings are more powerful than facts, to commit to finding the energy to engage in something that will facilitate a change I believe is needed. There is an organization where I've considered volunteering. It's time to take one step, however small it might be. It's time to get involved.

Marilyn

Gladys and Louie

Gladys and Louie were my parent’s best friends. I remember hearing lots of laughter when they came to our house for dinner and cards or falling asleep on their sofa the times they reciprocated the hospitality. Gladys and Louie were different than relatives or neighbors. They were in my parent's lives by choice, not by chance.

When I was 10 or 11 I asked my mother why we hadn't seen them in a while. I could tell that the question made her sad and her response was brief. She said that an elderly aunt of Gladys' had died and left them a lot of money. They were selling their house and moving. They had new friends. Now they were out of my parent's lives by their choice. After a couple years of Christmas cards, they were never mentioned again. This was my first inkling that a lot of the relationship lessons from the playground continue into adulthood.

Lesson #1: Loyalty isn’t guaranteed. Money changed Gladys and Louie. The desire for a winning team can leave a good friend who has no skills in the game of the moment as the last one picked.

Lesson #2: Interests shift. By the time Gladys and Louie moved on to their new life I’d had several BFFs. One good friend dropped out of Brownies.

Lesson #3: Slights, whether real or imagined, happen to everyone. We have all been on the giving and receiving end of exclusion, sometimes intentionally but more often, unintentionally.

Lesson #4: Relationships ebb and flow. Best friends from 1^st grade reunite in 5^th. Distance separates us after graduation or marriage or promotion, but I’ve some faraway or once-a-year friends with whom I can pick up where we left off.

Lesson #5: People will rise to the occasion and sometimes let us down. We’ve all made a terrible error in judgement in who we trusted and have friends who continue to disappoint, but we keep our perspective and keep them in our lives.

Lesson #6: Friends fall into categories, such as school friends, work friends, relatives and neighbors. It wasn’t until my dad retired that their circle of friends expanded from neighbors, relatives and church to include people who liked to take bus trips. They had several years of enjoyable times with these later-in-life let’s-go-somewhere friends.

Lesson #7: If we are lucky and healthy, each time a negative something happens in a relationship our heart bleeds a little or our pride is hurt but we continue to look for kinship, connections and friends. And, if we are lucky, we find them while remembering to treasure those we already have.

Marilyn