Stream of consciousness writing

I have been dismayed - isn't that an interesting word that one doesn't hear much, in fact, I wonder the last time I used it myself....hmmm I also wonder the actual definition. Excuse me while I look up the word which turns out to mean to dishearten thoroughly, perturb, alarm or surprise in such as manner as to disillusion. So, as I was saying, I have been dismayed to discover (another 'dis' word. Should I use two 'dis' words so close together? Leave it for now and keep writing.) that someone has been lying to me.

Is is really a lie if they believe in their illusion that it is the truth or a semi-truth or what they think I need to hear? Is placating a lie or merely a tactic? No, this lie was deliberate and to my face. Yes, to my face, so that even as it was happening part of my brain was so surprised (hence, 'dismay - see above) that my head pulled back or raised a bit and I'm sure my eyes widened, while something in another part of me shifted and my relationship with that person will never be the same. Note to self: I've written before about internal shifts. Maybe I should revisit that as a theme.

Why do I assume that people mean what they say, will follow through, have other's interests at heart? Well, I don't want to to have a different or negative outlook, but it sure means a lot of disappointment (oops, another 'dis'). I know that in dealing with disappointments I head off on tangents, which, I suppose, explains at least a reason for these ramblings. I have to look at all angles and see what clues I might have missed and thereby prevented the dismay.

Some weeks this is how I eventually get to a few paragraphs that ultimately get pasted together to create a Monday musing. My fingers go from one tangent to another, occasionally in different directions from my brain, until at some point a kernel takes root (or does whatever it is a kernel does, well more like becomes sticky and other kernels get attached to it). Wonder if anyone who has read this far has a similar experience and utilizes a stream of consciousness tool to get from one place to the next emotionally or rationally. Probably so, and maybe someone will even let me know.

Marilyn

Standing on an el platform in winter waiting for a delayed train I remember thinking, 

Patron Saint of Perpetual Disappointment

On my way home from work the other day the narrator of the book I was listening to read a passage where a woman referred to her mother as the Patron Saint of Perpetual Disappointment. I don't think I heard anything else for several minutes. That phrase made me chuckle but also made me sad. It accurately described my own mother and I have known others who could vie for that title.

The idea of such a patron saint triggered a list of others I've encountered, and perhaps you'll recognize some of them yourself. So with no disrespect to those who actually deserve the title of saint, here are a few I'm annointing. There's the Patron Saint of:

• Shirked Responsibility, the person who always has an excuse and nothing is ever their fault. From any type of deadbeat parent to the person who doesn't blow the whistle, there are lots of people eligible for this one.
• Shifting Focus, that individual who turns every story, every conversation around until it is all about them. Whether it's a 'you think you had a bad day, let me tell you about mine' or a 'sorry that happened to you but when I was robbed...' this person steals everyone's thunder, so maybe they are really the Patron Saint of Thunder Stealers.
• Gloom and Doom, or someone like Henny Penny whose outlook is that the sky is always falling and the glass is half empty. We all have down days, but this is the person who looks at the world through cloudy lenses. 
• Last Words, you know that debater who has something to say even after a topic is closed or people are walking away. Even if their last word is 'goodbye' this person needs to be the one to end any encounter.
• Juicy Gossip, the neighbor who doesn't know how to straddle the line between sharing and spreading. "I probably shouldn't be telling you this," or "You may not have heard" are common phrases that this character employs.
• Perennial Whining, for whom nothing is ever good enough and they let you know it. This is usually delivered with a tone of voice that deserves the classification as Patron Saint of Annoying Timbre. 
• Prejudiced Snobbery, whose way of doing everything is the best way, the only way and the right way. These people live in a very small world that gets smaller all the time as they offend those around them.

Unfortunately, there are also some 'honors' that I believe we all would be in contention for, including the Patron Saint of Best Intentions, which should not be confused with a similar category, the Patron Saint of Procrastination. There are days when I'm snarky that I feel like I project the image of the Patron Saint of Poor Me but there are those who try for that title regularly when they rattle of their to do list or their excuses.

While the above are stereotypes, we all know people we could place in nomination for each of them. Perhaps when I next encounter a person in my life who matches a category, I'll smile while they are doing their thing. I'll be envisioning them wearing a crown with the appropriate heading.

Marilyn

The stages of working surfaces

When we are old enough to be aware of and interested in our surroundings we get put on the floor and we soon begin to figure out how to move around and explore. We are applauded when we crawl, pull ourselves up, take a step. That floor is our working surface for pull toys, cars and dollhouses as we play and learn. Another flat surface is the tray of a highchair. We pound on it with fist, hand and spoon, making music and gleaning attention but also experiencing what family meals are like everyday and on special occasions.

From the floor we move up slightly to a child-sized table. Mine was one my dad made. He also made two little benches so that I could share the surface with friends, real and imaginary. I hosted many happy tea parties and practiced coloring in between the lines on that lovely handcrafted working space. As toddlers and preK tots we watch a grownup use kitchen counter space to prepare food and are anxious to stand on a stool to be able to reach and help. We might know an adult with a workbench in a garage or basement and see jars of screws and nails. There may be tools hanging on the wall, sawdust on the floor and an opportunity to see a wood project come together.

By the time homework enters our lives we have recognized that the kitchen or dining room table is used for more than eating. Every Sunday after dinner my mother counted the money that was in the offering plates at church. She made neat stacks of coins and piles of ones, fives, tens and the occasional twenty. One Saturday every December the table was cookie central as we decorated cutout anise sugar cookies. Most evenings when we had company folks stayed around the table to play cards. We used our card table as much as a place to have dinner in front of the TV as for cards or board games. Once I'd left for college my parents sometimes used TV trays so they could share a meal with Peter Jennings.

Many kitchens now have built-in space for eating or sitting with laptop to do assignments, look up recipes, pay bills or plan a vacation. Perhaps such islands have replaced the need for desks, but I think that most homes still have at least one desk. Whether it is in a parent's home office or a teen's room, the typical desk with drawers finds its space. Perhaps there is also an elaborate den arrangement with desk, drawers and shelves or a very basic computer desk that came in a box and had to be assembled. My guess is that dorm rooms still have one desk per student even if the student rarely sits there.

Engineers have draft tables, artists have canvases and chefs their cutting boards as work surfaces. Musicians have stands to hold their scores. Knitters and crocheters have it easy for their projects rest in their laps, and, speaking of laps, my iPad is sitting in mine as I write. At the office I now have a standing desk. It has a crank that allows me to raise or lower it so I can sit or stand. I've seen desks connected to treadmills, supposedly enabling the ultimate of multitasking. 

Teachers still use blackboards, a working surface that represents authority. Meeting spaces have whiteboards, easels and TVs where spreadsheets are shown or clients halfway around the world can be seen. Libraries have tables where patrons sit and read. Travelers are told to put their trays into a locked and upright position indicating it's time to fold up their working surface and prepare to move on.

Each stage of my working surface life has seemed like a graduation, a step up until several years ago when I realized I could no longer sit on the floor to wrap Christmas presents. It had been my tradition for a couple of decades to surround myself with boxes, paper and ribbon, wrapping away while Holiday Inn played in the VCR. That was my first realization that working surfaces do not necessarily last forever. I also know there may come a point when I am back to a highchair-like tray where I will again be fed my meals. 

Right now I am blessed to have people in my life at all of the various stages of all of these working surfaces.  To watch young ones transitions to the next, to see new graduates starting on their professional work surfaces, and to feel as secure as I can be with those that I need and use. What are your daily and special working surfaces? From piano to computer keyboard there are all sorts of interesting options. Let's keep expanding and trying new ones!

Marilyn

A dream revisited

In the mid 1990s I spent considerable time following a dream to write stories for children. I wrote poems and was particularly hung up on a plot idea for a series of books featuring Mother Nature and Father Time to help kids both understand and develop an appreciation for things around them. While it was only twenty years ago, the world of publishing was quite different. I did what one was supposed to do then and studied how to draft letters to publishers, sent off dozens of proposals and samples and waited for replies.

My stack of rejection letters is high, but as I worked more on writing and less on an end product, the tone of the rejection letters shifted from the standard 'thanks but no thanks' to a more personal 'not quite right but keep trying and stay in touch.' One preK magazine kept a story-poem for several months but then returned it with regret saying they just couldn't find a place for it in an upcoming issue and encouraged me to send more.

Somewhere along the way my passion for the genre ceded. Perhaps because the children in my life kept having birthdays and there was always the nagging need to really make a living. I was recently going through a box from that time and thought I'd share that poem that almost made it.

I like all words that are comic,

Words that one uses for fun.

I've made a rhyme using trick words.

Pick out the trick and you've won!

The OTTO Family Word Game

MOM and DAD OTTO have three kids,

HANNAH, and ANNA and BOB.

MOM makes them breakfast each morning

While DAD hurries off to his job.

PIP is the name that they've given

To their dog, a tiny brown PUP.

PIP has left POOP in the backyard,

ANNA and BOB pick it up.

PIP has a playmate named MADAM,

a curious and grey tabby cat.

Romping, they run up to ANNA

who gives to each pet a light pat.

HANNAH got dust in her right EYE

But her tears washed it all free.

"Let's each be cars on a fast train"

BOB said, "TOOT! TOOT! Follow me!"

MOM called, "It's NOON so it's lunchtime."

"What are we having?" yelled BOB.

"Can I have POP with my sandwich?"

ANNA wants corn on the cob.

"WOW!" said the kids as they rushed in.

For there was a real surprise treat.

DAD sat at the table to join them.

PIP came and sat at his feet.

This is the end of the story.

DID you find the clues I have shared?

DID you say, "AHA! I have got it!

Each word that's in caps is quite rare!"

Answer:

Whether they're backwards or forwards

Each of these words looks the same.

Palindromes, that is what they are.

That's the real name of this game.

Finding the piece of paper with this quiz/poem and the return letter made me smile. Hope the poem did the same for you.

Marilyn

Best laid plans

We're at the tail end of a construction project at the office. Getting to the point of signing on the dotted line involved fifteen different scenarios, ranging from minimal changes to one that had nearly all 35 staff moving to a different office or area. Because this falls under my responsibility there were a couple of weeks when I fell asleep thinking about walls coming down or going up and wishing someone would invent bunk desks.  

This remodeling has reinforced the reuse, recycle, repurpose model. Staff who won tables, chairs, desks or bookcases in our office lottery now have 'new' furniture. Our large conference room has been split in two, thereby creating space for 4 cubicles and a smaller gathering area we're calling the Huddle Room for spontaneous meetings. Three conference tables are in a different configuration in a new space on a different floor, representing the biggest change of all, that is having rooms downstairs. That has resulted in creating new processes and procedures besides decorating new spaces.

Like all such projects with many moving parts, the timing has slipped for a variety of reasons. Painters couldn't paint because the drywall wasn't dry. A new office space isn't completed because the glass transom arrived in pieces. The board room remains empty because the tables and chairs weren't shipped on time.

You've done such projects in your life, projects that need linear thinking and an 'if...then' approach. These types of projects make me think of dominoes that are lined up ready to be knocked over. When one domino is placed incorrectly, standing too far away from its neighbors, then the line comes to a halt. Each time the line stopped this past week I've tried to get across to the contractor that I'm not angry, just frustrated because he isn't keeping me informed. I can deal with the delays as long as I know about them. 

Perhaps you too are in the middle of some project. Whether it is a remodel, going through those boxes of flotsam and jetsam that have accumulated in the basement or settling in to retirement, should your best laid plans go awry, may you quickly find another way to arrange the dominoes so you can continue to move forward. My fingers are crossed that the delivery truck is at the door at 7am this morning. Otherwise those best laid plans will have hit another snag and I'll be looking for a new domino.

Marilyn