Familiar Intersections

As someone who has no sense of direction, I am quite familiar with the gut reaction of ‘this doesn’t feel right’ accompanied by 'I have no clue which way to turn.' There are two things that alleviate that stress – seeing a familiar landmark or asking for help.  In these electronic days, getting that help is much easier than it used to be, but MapQuest and GPS do not overcome the frustration of feeling lost or give one back the time that has been spent going in circles.

Perhaps, like me, you are at a difficult intersection.  We have all been at Indecision and Stuck, or Rock and Hard Place, or Mad and Hurt.  What or who is your GPS when you are in need of directions from those crossroads?

Me?  I tend to get very quiet and still and stand on each corner for a while, looking up and down all paths.  Then, having stood alone and having assessed every corner, I will tell my close friends where I am.  Sometimes I present a snapshot of the place.  Other times I may share the whole trip that got me to that point.  What I need from my GPS friends can vary from ‘just listen to me’ to ‘have you ever been at this crossroads?’ to ‘please help me navigate these particular streets.’

We humans are not alone in these experiences.  The trees I saw at the arboretum this weekend are distressed having spent the summer at Heat and Drought.  As I was writing this, the sparrows and doves on my balcony found themselves at what for them is a very routine intersection – Eat or Be Eaten.  They all suddenly took flight.  It is common for them to fly off in a flurry of feathers for no reason that I can see.  This time, a few moments after they few away, a falcon landed on my railing. 

There are people I know whose current intersections include Cancer and Cancer or Pain and Suffering. When I see them I know that my challenge, awful and hard as it may be, pales in comparison.  Finally, I also know that one day soon I’ll travel to Joy and Delight because I’ve been on the highway long enough to know that those places do exist.

Whatever intersection you face this week, whether familiar or some new place, you will be able to do something to clear the route with the support of your GPS friends.   And, if your map is currently clear at the moment and you are helping someone else interpret the road signs, remember their path is unique and the best you can do is ride shotgun.

Marilyn

The Colors of Onions

“Make new friends but keep the old; one is silver and the other gold.”  Maybe you, too, sang this tune around a campfire, enjoying camaraderie and s’mores at the end of an activity-filled day.  My Scout leaders were trying to instill some sense of loyalty and life lesson through the words of a simple song, but as 7, 8 or 9-year olds, our friendship feelings were easily hurt and our BFF changed frequently.  

We have different circles of friends who, like an onion, represent different layers of closeness.  Acquaintance is a lovely word as is colleague; they each have important role in our lives.  But silver and gold are the core.  Most people I know have assembled a core family-of-the-heart because they are separated from their blood family by miles or lack of deep connection. 

These silver and gold family-of-the-heart friends are the handful of people to whom we reveal our true selves and are still loved.  This group can include family-of-origin folks and people we rarely see but who would be there in a minute if we needed them.   To me family-of-the-heart also means that we share some core values but challenge one another in our thinking and that we laugh at many of the same things.  We travel with these friends on journeys of fun and learning and through the difficult internal explorations of pain and discovery.

In the last few years I’ve lost 4 of my family-of-the-heart members; two died, one suddenly and the other after months of pain, discomfort and frustration.  The loss of the other two came from a different kind of death, the kind where they remove themselves from your life.  As they closed the door on our friendship we hurt and lost one another but the grief is the same – they once were there and now they are gone. 

One silver friend says that in her experience these people may come back.  Perhaps.  

My oldest golden friend is from college and lives a couple of hours away.  Another one close-by is busy with her class reunion.  She’s still connected to people from elementary school.  That's sterling.  The circles do undergo some natural changes.   Major transitions such as marriage, divorce, or career paths cause shifts. One friend recently met someone special and is working on the delicate balance of gold and a whole new bracelet of silver while another is talking a major across-the-country move.

You never know where a new friend will be found or what that friendship will lead to.  In spring I attended a wedding that was silver of sorts; the bride was 74 and the groom, 85.  Music was their original connection and they called themselves ‘concert friends.’  The friendship blossomed and now a new family exists.   

Whether silver or gold, I treasure my family-of-the-heart.  To those reading this musing, thank you for who you are and all you bring to my life. 

Why not check in with your own precious metals?   Some may need a bit of polishing.

Marilyn

The World is Getting Smaller

Remember those dreaded 500 word essays?  The kind where someone asked the teacher, “Can we count ‘a’ and ‘the’?”

One third grade homework assignment was an essay on ‘the world is getting smaller.’  I remember being nervous and a little scared because I didn’t understand the topic.  What the heck did ‘the world is getting smaller’ mean to an 8-year-old in the 1950’s?  Was the world shrinking?  Was I supposed to do something to help fix it?

After school I went upstairs, sat at my desk, and kept writing the heading over and over. I suppose I was hoping for inspiration.  There was a window over my desk and one time when I looked up I saw a plane that had just taken off from the Greater Buffalo International Airport.  Suddenly something about the topic clicked and I had things to write about. 

This came to mind because Friday was the last day of work for three young people in our office.  Two summer interns completed their term.  One was headed off to India and then to his home in Dubai.  The other is going to South Korea to be with her family.  The third had been a colleague for as long as I’ve been there.  Bukie was our AmeriCorps VISTA.  Her year of service was finished, and, as much as we’d love to have her stay, she’s getting ready to spend some time in her homeland, Nigeria.  Our third intern will be with us one more week and he just got back from 10 days in Kenya.

My first airplane trip was the day after high school graduation.  My friend Sue and I had jobs at a camp in the Catskills outside of Schenectady.  We got on an American Airlines propeller plane, took off, and in many ways, I never looked back.  Nine years later my first big vacation was to California and included my first jet ride.   

Back in third grade, as I figured out how the world was getting smaller – at least in ways that an 8-year-old could understand – I completed the essay, diligently counted the words, lined up the 2 pages of paper and carefully turned over the top left corner so the pages would stay together.  There is something to be said for having lived in the decades when we were the pilgrims experiencing and helping the world getting smaller.    For so many of today’s youth this small world is at their fingertips.  Travel is just part of their norm and that’s terrific.  Travel builds bridges between cultures, expands one’s horizon, and opens worlds of possibilities.

Looking back, that assignment actually made my world bigger, but today, the topic makes me more nervous on levels that in third grade I didn’t even know existed.

Marilyn

Situation Normal

It’s been a week of gripes, surprises, and joys.  If I kept a journal these would be some of the entries.

Monday

·         Itchy eye.  Not going to wear contact today, which probably doesn’t matter much since I’m still wearing reading glasses most of the time anyway.  Don’t think this experiment is working.

Female quite fascinating

·         Elevator not working.  First time that has happened in 9 years.
·         Close to finishing major project.
·         Elevator working when I got home from the health club.

They watch out for each other

·         After a couple of weeks of steady attendance, the cardinals finally came when a camera was handy and when there was enough light!



 Tuesday
·         Got to open the windows for a little while today.
·         Elevator out again. 
·         Forgot coupon for 40% off at Michael’s.
·         Used the phrase ‘you guys’ when leaving a message.  I hate that phrase, stopped to correct myself and then nearly forgot why I had called.

Quaker parrot/monk parakeet

Wednesday

Looking back to my balcony

·  Just about ready to leave for work.  Walked into living room to close the drapes and there were my surprise visitors!  Some of the monk parakeets that started a colony in Hyde Park decades ago have migrated to Berwyn.  I’ve only seen them around the library.  Four of them were on my balcony.  But my movement in the house spooked them.  Luckily, they only went to the utility wires over the alley.  Hope they come back now that they’ve discovered this restaurant!

·         Catch up coffee with friend and another dear friend starts new job today.
·         Project not so near finished.  Major revisions not incorporated.  Were my directions not clear?



Thursday

Thursday night moon rising

·         Opened new bag of bird seed and left it on the kitchen counter as I watered the balcony plants and put out the morning's seed.  The bag toppled over… seed everywhere, in the cat’s water dish, food tray, under the stove. 


Friday


Friday sunrise

·         Very light traffic on the way to work.  In the office in 18 minutes.

Saturday

·         Oak Park book sale.  Trying a few new authors for 50¢.
·         Cleaned out pantry.  Cake mix that expired in 2009 was the oldest.  Still finding birdseed. Threw out 3 bags of stuff.  Moved on to other stuff an have 2 bags for Goodwill.

Sunday

·         Kane County Flea Market.  So great to be outdoors and now in the evening listening to the cicadas instead of the air conditioner.

Monday

·         Today marks the last week of work for a delightful colleague.  Mixed feelings.  Would so love to have her stay, excited for her to go and follow her dream to live in her homeland, Nigeria.

A rountine week.  Situation normal for me.  You?

Marilyn