Our Internal San Andreas Fault

You know how one morning you wake up and something inside has shifted?  Suddenly, for no reason you are able to name, you are not as angry or sad or grieving or lost.  The change can feel small and the shift is subtle but meaningful, or the relief can seem huge as though you’ve survived an emotional tsunami.  It can mean that you’ve passed a milestone and entered a new phase or stage of your life.  You realize you can go on without him or her or a particular dream.  The burden is lighter. You can handle the crisis or understand that what you’ve been trying is not what you need to do.  There is a sense of acceptance or knowledge of steps to take.

A part of maturing and growth is handling the truth that we must frequently revisit a primary issue of our life, those things that make us face our demons.  Whether it is addiction, gloom, interpersonal, spiritual, or even physical, particularly as we age, it is frustrating, even depressing, to face the same challenge over and over. Each repeat visit is a result of our internal fault line shifting, enabling us to go deeper into ourselves and find further learnings, a fresh perspective, and additional insights. 

The problem is we cannot schedule these shifts or draw upon them at will.  Like this time of year when we made some resolutions or promises of hope, only to already have failed.  It is stressful to think we are ready for change or want things to be different but the internal alteration remains elusive. Old behavior and outlooks seem more deeply engrained than our fault line will let us reach.

We know that change is hard even when it is desired.  I have no solace to offer other than this struggle is universal and that perhaps it is simply requires the passage of time.  After all, Mark Twain remarked that humor is tragedy plus time, implying that anything can be funny in retrospect once enough time has passed.  So, too, can we adjust to, accept, and know we can solve or resolve issues with the gift of distance.

I wish you patience this year as you wait and work for change, whether it is change in or for you or in society.

Marilyn