If Only

It all started last weekend during an early morning walk out at the Morton Arboretum. I had just hit a nice stride when a chipmunk emerged from the bushes. Instead of behaving as chipmunks usually do and scurrying across the path, it sat on the sidewalk. I stopped to watch it as it watched me. Apparently it was convinced it was safe and returned to the underbrush. I resumed my walk.

My next encounter was with a squirrel sitting on the back of a wooden bench thoroughly enjoying a snack. It looked like a buckeye that it revolved in its front paws as it gnawed away, dropping crumbs with each nibble. I edged forward, but it took no notice of me so I got within five feet and observed for several minutes as he enjoyed his breakfast. Finally a young couple came along and saw me smiling, standing and watching. While they, too, stopped, I guess an audience of three was too intimidating and our friend leapt off the bench and ran about ten feet away. We humans commented on the nature of squirrels and continued down the sidewalk.

On a more deserted path I heard a cardinal and stopped to see if I could find it in all the lush foliage. He flew to a low branch and continued his song, sitting for a long time in plain and fairly close view on a leafy branch with blue sky in the background.

In each of those wonderful instances I thought, if only I had my camera.

It got me thinking about how many times in a week ‘if only’ might cross my mind and I decided to keep track. See if you can identify with any of the following. If only I had:

• Known the roads were being repaved
• Brought my library books with me
• Closed the window when the wind picked up
• Not wasted the last hour watching that stupid program
• Worn the other outfit

This list of daily ‘if onlys’ covers mildly frustrating or maybe embarrassing situations. There are other ‘if onlys’ in our lives. There are fantasy ones (if only I were tall and willowy/ had bought Microsoft stock), but regret ‘if onlys’ seem to be the biggest for me (we had ended that relationship on a different note, I had/hadn’t said…). I think all of these are universals and would be common ground if we ever got around to talking about such things. Others that we all have include if only: everyone thought more like me, cars and computers just worked like they are supposed to, and someone had a real answer to the problem areas around the world.

For most of us, this is where the ‘if onlys’ end. Unfortunately, there are those whose list includes: I had a bigger bomb, gun, or more power. These also may be people who go out and find ways to get such ‘if onlys.’ Then, once it is in their possession, they do something horrific with it.

You see it is not such a long leap from my wish for a camera last weekend to the revenge we read in the headlines. If only we had more understanding and an answer to that.

Marilyn