What are you afraid of?

Beyond not liking spiders or heights or going to the dentist, and underneath the challenge of getting on an airplane or standing at a podium, and ignoring the fact that there is nothing you can do about getting older, deep down what's your biggest fear? For some it is a fear of intimacy, or being poor or dependent. Medical words like cancer or Alzheimer evoke dread, and while none of us like to fail, that fear can keep us from acting at all. New anxieties and fears stem from today's technologies.

For me, when all else is stripped away, my bottom line fear is that I'll be forgotten. Perhaps this comes from growing up in a family where after someone had died they were never mentioned. I look back and realize that grandma, the only grandparent I knew, was a huge influence and a major stabilizing factor of my first six years. After she died, she was simply gone. It's not like she was erased, as there were pictures in photo albums and in frames, but she was never referenced or outwardly remembered. When I inquired about the three grandparents I never knew, or about Uncle Harold who died from being gassed in WWI or other faces in some of those pictures, no meaningful personal tidbits or fun stories about them were ever shared. It was like it never mattered that they existed.

I've learned that the same is true in many families. Whether a family or cultural norm, I do my best to change it. I find it comforting to talk about someone who is no longer around to talk with. I understand that it is difficult when the grief is too new, when feelings are raw, but memories either make me smile or help me understand.

When my poker group gets together, at some point during the evening we usually remember one person no longer around the table. We don't speak of her with reverence, which can so often become the case when someone has died, but of who she really was. I like that. If I were hit by a bus tomorrow I'd like to think that group they would raise a toast to me occasionally also. 

Maybe my fear of being forgotten is quite common and one cause of the billions of selfies. I'm sure it's one reason why I publish these musings in a public way. Naming and facing a fear can be the first step to overcoming it. So, here are words I've put together on a road toward that. What are you afraid of that you're willing to acknowledge and take at least one step to face it head on?