Growing up different

As much as we want to be true to ourselves, to be a strong individual, we also want to fit in. We want to be the we in the we vs. they, part of the in crowd, or if not part of, at least tolerated or ignored by them. Age doesn’t matter. It could be our first day of preschool or of a professional conference. We stand on the threshold and quickly look for the familiar, the similar, assessing how we will be received. Imagine what it’s like if you know and understand that mostly you won’t fit in.

The recent 50th anniversary of the Special Olympics served as a reminder of how little we once knew about the challenges of the different. Back then, most with mental or physical disabilities had been kept out of sight which also meant, out of mind. Since then, we’ve accepted mainstreaming as a norm. We drop words like autism or Tourette’s and conditions like OCD into conversations. Most likely we use them incorrectly even as we try to show awareness and empathy, and, most likely our actions come across as condescension or tolerance.

We all feel different at times, but it is different to know that you are so. Outsiders have no idea what life is like for a family who has a truly different member. Now that it is more the norm for a child with a disability to remain at home, outsiders do not, cannot, comprehend what it takes to provide a safe and constant environment for their different member. To nurture and help that individual become the best that they can be. I recently had a glimpse into that world and saw the exhausting stress, the painstaking patience and realized how little I really and truly knew or understood. 

Throughout history, the different have been demonized, ostracized or forced to conform. Think of all the left handed children made to change what came naturally to them. Think of the closets full of generations of those with differing sexual orientations. Think of the taunts to those with cleft palettes or crossed-eyes, the uncoordinated, or the dark skinned in the world of the blondes. I’ve mentioned here what are just a few issues on the spectrum of differences and don’t mean to compare one with the other. What I’m musing on here is the commonness of wanting to belong and the absolute imperative to remember that longing to belong is something we all share.

Marilyn