Front and back door people

There are front door people and back door people. You know what I mean. The friends who use the back door, whether real or metaphorical, are the inner circle of our lives. The back door is the friendlier, don't-mind-mess entrance that we only show to select people. Either door is open to them, day or night, no matter who initiates the visit, or if the hinges need oiling or if the door is stuck from the weather or misuse. 

When I moved from an apartment in Wheaton into Chicago and the first home I owned, I also was shifting from a building complex to a neighborhood. One Saturday, I baked banana bread and, putting some slices on a paper plate, knocked on Ruth and Elaine's back door. They and their extended family had lived in the house right next to mine for more than five decades. I realize now that they were very surprised to see me there. We had certainly chatted over the fence, but this knock on their back door was something new. It was several years into our friendship when one of them asked if coming to the back door with baked goods was the norm in the suburbs. I said that no, I'd not done that with my neighbors down the hallway, it was just something that I associated with houses and was seeking to recreate from my childhood.

Looking back, I see that I went into that relationship assuming back door status. Perhaps that was naive, but it turned out just fine for they became back door people. Some back door friends move away or things change and they shift to more front door status or circumstances turn front door folks into back door relations. There have been a couple of times when I hoped for back door admittance, but the door was slammed in my face or not opened at all.

I've lived in places with just one door, and my last three apartments have had both front and back doors, but only one was easily accessible to friends and neighbors. That's what I have now, and when I hear the doorbell it's because I am expecting someone. Here I get to tell people after they ring the doorbell to open the door and walk out of the elements onto the enclosed front porch. But then there is an action I must take. I have to climb down the stairs and turn the knob to let them in. Then they have to act. They have to walk over the inner threshold. That's like any relationship, whether front or back door types. There are actions that are needed on both sides to keep the connection strong with no barricades. Think about one back door friend who could benefit from any type of knock on the door today and go ahead and knock.

Marilyn